Packing A House With A Newborn And 6 Year Old Cougar – What’s in a Name?

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Cougar – What’s in a Name?

I used to hate the word “Cougar” for the obvious reasons. At first, it evoked images of Miss Robinson in a belt and garters, smoke flowing around her alcoholic head as she seduced a vulnerable (but willing) Benjamin. Flash forward to leopard-clad women over 40 showing too much cleavage, strutting in 4 inch stilettos, hanging out at bars, sipping wine and hauling home young prey. Every time the media interviewed me, I cried, knowing the obvious questions would be asked: “Isn’t this just sex?” “Isn’t this just about money?” I tried to explain to them, in my 20 years of research as a human behavior research psychologist and the world’s leading authority on transgenerational dating and psychosexual imprinting (translation: Cougar and Cub dating ) that they were all wrong. The media promotes what I have coined “The Myth of Stiffler’s Mom” ​​as in the movie American Pie. Stiffler’s mom seduces a young man, but he’s not the 6 pack, GQ model type. He is mature for his age, intelligent. He gets her head before he goes to bed. The young men and the media who think that the relationship between a man and an older woman is just about sex or money have never been in a relationship with an older woman. If they did, they would know the truth.

The facts are very simple, and I say these with great conviction, as this is a demographic of people I have been formally studying for over 20 years. If you are familiar with the bell-shaped curve, you can easily see that the bell-shaped curve can be applied to almost anything in life. Let’s figure out the younger man older woman dynamic and see what we found: In the middle of the curve are most of our older women. “Older women” can be considered any woman in her 20s and older who refers to younger men. Most of these women who fall in the middle section of the age curve are 40-50. These are Cougars. Women in their 30s are Pumas. Women in their twenties are kittens. Pumas and kittens fall outside the middle of the bell-shaped curve. Let’s say they are 1 standard deviation away from the mean, to the left of the median region. Women in their 60s and older are Panthers. Let’s put them to the right of the center of the bell-shaped curve. There are fewer kittens, puma and kittens than there are Cougars; but for argument’s sake, they are “all Cougars.”

What is a Cougar? Many women take offense to this detail, as I did, based on the reasons I gave above. People get really angry with me for using the word in my articles and research. Do not pick up the messenger. I didn’t own the word and I didn’t brand it. Blame the media. They are the ones who want to make Cougars look like neurotic, caricaturist, boy crazy, wackadoos.

I had a real reaction every time I heard the word mentioned, read it in an article or saw my fingers typing it on my computer screen.

No more.

Here’s what I’ve discovered and here’s what I’ve recommended to the thousands of members on my Cougar website: you define what Cougar is for yourself. Don’t let the media. your friends, other Cougars, younger men or so “experts” tell you how to define yourself as a Cougar. There are basic ingredients that make up the definition: an older woman who dates, partners and/or marries a younger man. Those are the basic criteria. You don’t need to look like Courteney Cox, have Demi Moore’s money, Madonna’s confidence, or Cher’s success to be a Cougar. People who say that a Cougar is a “sexy, confident, successful, mature woman who knows what she wants” leave out most women who consider themselves Cougars but who ‘ may not be successful or sexual or confident. Of course, she may be fresh out of a 20 year old marriage, up to her eyes in debt and feeling insecure about those extra 20 pounds but she finds that she is attracted to and open to a relationship with a younger man.

There are “experts” who try to tell people that a woman can only be a Cougar if she is over 40. That is not true. There are women on my site who are in their late 20’s who are dating men 7 to 10 years younger who consider themselves Cougars. Being a Cougar is less about your age, economic status, body type or confidence level than it is about your desire to date a younger man.

I’m really working hard to set the record straight for the media; but they print a subtle gender and money angle anyway.

In the Ph.D. research project “Childhood Psychosexual Imprinting and Its Impact on Adult Male-Female Relationships Specific to Younger Men Dating Older Women” I interviewed over a thousand men about their desire to be with an older woman. Each man could give me chapter and verse about a “special moment” in his life when he was imprinted with a desire to be with an older woman: a school teacher, a baby sitter, your older sister’s friend, mother’s best female friend, actresses on television and movies; the list goes on and on. For these men, it wasn’t about the Myth of Stiffler’s Mother e. It wasn’t a roll in the grass with Miss Robinson, it was a powerful impression that has stayed with them all their lives and keeps them going back to older women once and for all.

I have interviewed men in their 30s who have been married to older women who are looking for their next older wife. I have interviewed men in their 40s and 50s who refuse to give women their age and younger and choose the more mature woman instead. I met an 82-year-old man who told me, “I just married an older woman,” and then added with a wink, “Sex with an older woman is always better.” 82!

Psychosexual imprinting is an area of ​​expertise for me as it relates to the younger man/older woman. The “psycho” part must be related to the psychological side of the print and the personality of the young person and how it is created and printed. The “sexual” part prima fascia is obvious. Printing is a very powerful, special time in one’s life. We all have imprints, some positive, some not so positive. The younger man who is imprinted with an older woman will seek out and bond with older women for the rest of his life. It’s not a once in a while, flash in the pan kind of thing.

This is what the media doesn’t understand about this date movement. And it is not understood by many so-called “Cougar Experts” who are jumping on the bandwagon to sell books and speed dating sessions. My research in this area is extensive, extensive and documented; that’s why CNN refers to me as The Uber Cougar.

So, if you are a Cougar, don’t be embarrassed by this term. It is not discouraging. It is not a put down. “Wear the paw with pride” as we say on my dating site. Define who you are as a Cougar and dispel the myths out there. And feel free to email me with any questions you may have about my research and this dynamic. Ageism is the last barrier we are breaking down when it comes to dating. Even if you’re not a Cougar at least now you understand a little more about what it really is…and isn’t.

Happy hunting!

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