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6 Ways Of Standing Up To A Bad Husband
My husband is a good, kind and caring person. He takes care of his duties, plays with our daughter and is a good father to her. He is a good man to me too. However, recently he has had a steep climb which I think has come about due to financial pressure. We both made the decision to give up our full-time jobs to run businesses to provide a better life for ourselves and our daughter. Our marriage has been strong until recently.
He started working recklessly, getting upset with me for staying at home when I got sick so I chose not to rest anymore but go to work. It seems his medical practice is my problem now, he hired someone who he said can start work at 10. Two mornings ago, when I was down with the flu, I thought I might as well spend the day in bed with medicine. I dropped our daughter off at daycare and came back home. He was in bed. I woke him up and asked if he was going into work. He asked me what time it was and I told him it was almost nine. Suddenly, he gets out of bed, starts to mention to me that we can’t play around with the habit and just like a complete jerk. Then he drives like an idiot and when I asked him why he was driving like that, he says “personal reasons”. I mean really? Are you saying “what the…”? Good.
I ignored him for the rest of that day. The next day he tried to talk to me like there was nothing wrong and I didn’t get it. Then he decided to do the same to me. He likes to play that game. I’m usually the one who brings peace. Not this time. I went into his office and told him off. Then I walked out.
Now maybe that wasn’t the best way to handle things but he had almost had enough of his crack. Oh and by the way, when I told him he should consider his behavior, he tells me “that’s nonsense you said”. I know right, who does this guy think he is? Not the good, kind man I married that’s for sure. So anyway, I decided I’m tired of it but until someone can change it, you should be the change you want to see. So here are six ways I approach the situation.
It is a challenge but it is one of the foundations of marriage. You need to express how you feel and make it clear that you will not be treated as such. Once you have expressed this, take a stand. Don’t just say you don’t accept it and then do nothing. It is bound to happen again and when it does, it is important for you to maintain your stance that you will not accept it. If you responded by yelling, criticizing, arguing or worse, withdrawing you need to respond differently after expressing your displeasure.
2. Be The Change You Want To See
Most people learn by what they see. If my husband acts like an idiot and I fly off the handle he is not going to learn anything valuable and his rotten behavior will continue. The best way to make him change is to continue being a good wife and when he acts like a jerk, I just tell him “I won’t do this to you” and walk away. Now I have disarmed the situation. Why? He wants war but he has to fight alone. Now isn’t that fun?! He then realizes that he needs to take a different approach. Bingo!
3. Control your domain
Although there are two people who make up one marriage, the key here is that there are two people. Each of the two is an individual. Most of us women tend to put so much of ourselves out there that we lose who we are as individuals. Yes, a wife has the right to take care of her husband and her family and her home. That does not mean that she should stop taking care of her own interests. I believe that a woman is the glue that holds a family together. That’s a big responsibility and it requires you to be mentally and physically fit. Find peace and happiness by doing things that fulfill you internally. We act and react based on what is going on within us. If we take care of the inside, the outside will follow suit. So go ahead, go out with the girls, get your nails done, do that business course, whatever makes you happy.
4. Be a Giver more than a Taker
My husband is smart enough to know when he has done something wrong. Most men are real. However, it is very important how you treat him as his wife. I know when you’re mad at someone the last thing you want to do is be nice to them but that’s exactly what they mean. Instead, do the opposite of what they expect. Tips, service, good treatment in general will not be wasted but must be genuine. You have to work through the feelings of anger and resentment. You have to find that inner strength and peace to accept that this person is only human. It has its merits and demerits. His virtues far outweigh his faults and you must encourage him to bring out those virtues. Be good to him, he will come around. You give and you receive.
5. Don’t focus on the problem
Have you ever heard the expression “making a mountain out of an ant hill?” Well, a person who is emotionally abusing you is not a joke but to cure the situation you need to take your focus off the problem and focus on solutions to the problem. This takes the burden off of feeling down and gives you the strength to be happy and helps you to implement the solutions with enthusiasm.
6. Be prepared
Now I understand that people are different. My setting is still saved but there are situations where that would not be the case. I have prepared myself for the fact that my husband can change, he won’t change or he won’t get worse. Anyway, I’m willing to face the consequences. At least I know I did my part. If it works, hooray! If he doesn’t he probably wasn’t meant to be. At least I’ll be happy to know that I did my best. You must be prepared for positive or negative outcomes.
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