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What Are These Thoughts in My Head and Where Do They Come From?

“I always seem to have these voices going through my head. One says I should do this. Another says I should do something else, and then comes the third a voice out of nowhere saying that I should do something completely different. What should I do? I often feel confused and worried. I feel that I’m pulled in a dozen ways all the time. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Does this sound familiar to you? If you’re like the rest of us humans, you probably relate to this person’s dilemma. First of all, it’s good to know you’re not alone. We all hear different and often conflicting voices in our heads.

From my point of view we are multifaceted beings. There are many ways to understand this concept. The easiest thing to recognize is that our 1-year-old self is still alive and well inside of us, as well as our 13-year-old self, our 27-year-old self and all the other years that you want to put it there. All our parts are present. These parts have not gone anywhere. It is also important to remember that we made decisions about ourselves and our lives at these different ages. And those decisions remain in place unless we have consciously gone back and re-educated those parts of ourselves with new, updated, mature information.

This is why we often hear different ideas or voices in our head. Let’s say I’m thinking about doing something like sky diving. My 16-year-old says, “Yeah! That would be cool. I want to jump out of a plane and fly!” My 33-year-old husband then says, “I don’t know. That’s very expensive. I need to save some money for a house or something important.” Then my 6 year old comes in and says, “NO! That’s scary! Don’t make me do it!” And then my 42-year-old husband starts thinking about how fast I’ll hit the ground and wondering if I need to do special exercises or stretches to avoid disturbing the that old football injury.” How do I decide with all these conflicting voices? Shakespeare said, “To thyne own self be true.” Great concept, but what is “self?” What voice do I listen to?

The first step is to be aware that we have these different voices offering their advice. They all share the truth from their point of view. They all want things to be done the same way. The challenge is to get this “committee” to come together in consensus so that we can make a decision that is for the highest good for all of our parts.

One way to do this is to do what I call “dialogue writing.” That means taking out a piece of paper and a pen, and giving voice to each “self” by writing down his truth, his opinion, his worries, his it is fear, and its ultimate purpose. The goal here is to find a way where every part of you is heard and its ultimate purpose is fulfilled.

If we look at the example above, several intentions are expressed. The 16-year-old wants adventure, the 33-year-old wants to be financially responsible, while the 6-year-old and the 42-year-old both want to be safe.

Often, just by taking the time to write down the various concerns that each part of us has, intention emerges. In the case of sky diving, three resolutions are required. Is there a way to have an adventure that is affordable, while still being safe? Is there a way to create a skydiving experience that fulfills these three goals?

To come to a resolution we may need to bring in another part of ourselves that I call the “neutral observer.” The “neutral observer” is the wise one within. He knows how to set healthy boundaries. He knows how to communicate and create consensus. It provides protection and nurturing so that the vulnerable child can avoid shame and/or pain. And, it can inspire and motivate every part of us to a higher goal or a higher good. You might be saying, “I don’t know if I have a ‘neutral observer’ in me.” I would encourage you to play with this method a little and I have a feeling that you will find a very wise man deep inside who has been waiting for you to invite him to share his wisdom.

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