My 6 Year Old Says It Burns When He Pees Cause And Effect – Why I Made My Son Lick His Brother’s Feet

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Cause And Effect – Why I Made My Son Lick His Brother’s Feet

Today I made my son lick his brother’s feet. If you are wondering what madness took hold of me, well I will explain.

I found out many years ago that if I could use the distraction technique along with cause and effect, it brought laughter to the situation, but also recognized that the behavior was inappropriate and the punishment was appropriate ( in general). Being a mother of four children I have been learning many tricks for many years.

My boys aged 9 and 11 had been running around having fun until Ash upset Sabian by taking some of the money they had been saving together for iPads. 9 year old Ash ran off with Sabian in hot pursuit, armed with a rubber snake. Ash, finally, went to brandish his thigh with the whip of the rubber snake. Ash came running to me, tears steaming down his little face. An angry red welt confirmed Sabian’s crime.

“Sabian, come in here right now!”

Now Sabian would have expected the usual response from me regarding his behavior…you know the one. The speech about how physical violence is unacceptable behavior and how I’m going to take away welfare.

But no.

Why do this when it never works? It won’t stop the behavior, it won’t change anything. It just makes Sabian more determined with Ash because he thinks that Ash deserved to hit him, whip him, hit him, crush him, push him or pull his hair. Grrr is my usual response but it accomplishes nothing.

“Ash, did you wash your feet today?”

“There are”

“Oh well, they’ll have to do it. Sabian, lay your brother’s feet.”

This took care of both of them. I continued…

“You hurt Ash so you have to lick his feet. This is the consequence for what you did.”

I thought that Sabian had played dirty, so the punishment had to fit the crime.

They were both laughing, (Ash through his tears). Sabian kissed Ash’s legs, and by the way, Ash was very happy to show off. I then asked…

“Feeling better now, Ash?”

“No”

“Would you like Sabian to lie on the other leg?”

This brought more laughter. And another one.

It’s amazing how a few simple changes can make a difference in the amount of difficulty and frustration we experience when faced with life’s challenges. These challenges are just that – a ‘challenge’. We sometimes call them problems, problems, unfairness and being unlucky. But really? Is that why we face these challenges? Is it possible that challenges sometimes appear just to guide us to a better way of approaching a situation?

If we stop long enough to realize that we keep experiencing the same challenges over and over again, and ask why, we might realize something so simple yet so profound. It’s not really about…

‘Why does this keep happening to me?’

It’s about ‘Why haven’t I changed the way I approach the challenge?’

Why do these same life challenges keep appearing? Is it possible that we just haven’t learned the lesson yet?

I would like to tell you that this solved my boy’s fighting problem. Of course not! But later in the evening when another incident happened, I used this same method and it brought laughter again. They had just been enjoying the effects of a large spark bomb and it was now burning on the ground. I suggested they put him out by crying at him. This method of extinguishing fire will always appeal to boys. While putting out the fire, Sabian realized that a stream of pee was leading him. Ash took another hit.

Sabian ran inside. I followed a minute later.

“Sabian did you wash your foot that Ash walked on?”

“There are.”

“Oh well it will have to do. Ash needs your leg to lie down to climb on you.” This made me laugh a lot until I announced the next part of the punishment.

“Oh, and Sabian, you have to rip Ash’s leg to hit him and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t washed his feet yet.”

Needless to say, they are called truths!

I was talking to a friend recently about some of the challenges she was facing. I had been hearing about the challenges for years. Nothing had changed. I simply said, ‘So why keep approaching the challenge the same way every time if nothing changes? If it doesn’t work the first time or the second time or every other time, STOP! STOP doing the same thing over and over and expecting something to change.

“Commitment: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein was a very wise man indeed. I’m sure he would have liked my unorthodox ways.

My friend and I then discussed some strategies. Some of these were used that evening and my friend mentioned some movements.

Many people will read this article and say ‘I knew that’. Much of what I have learned and discovered through life’s challenges is just logic. But it is so important to remind us of what we already know or what we wish we already knew.

So the next time the same challenge appears in our lives, it helps us to stop and ask ourselves if we need to STOP! STOP repeating the same response to the challenge. If it doesn’t work out so far, it probably won’t. The challenge is in our thinking.

Making a conscious decision to change my thinking has reminded me to dig up all those life lessons I’ve learned and start putting them into practice. I personally have spent a lot of time until now getting tired of seeing life’s challenges as problems. As soon as I stopped dealing with them the same way over and over and over and getting the same results – ineffective ones – I finally moved to a place another.

“Why be when you could be new?” (from the animated film ‘Robots’)

It’s not so much about giving up being in life to succeed in life. It’s about becoming a new, improved version of yourself, drawing on life lessons already learned or new life lessons in an effort to find new ways to deal with challenges and new ways of seeing those challenges. I consider myself a success story because I have finally learned how to apply what I already knew to my life. I have participated in two intensive self-improvement programs. They were both beneficial but I quickly forgot to keep applying what I learned. If you don’t practice a skill regularly, you will lose that skill to some extent.

My sister who participated in a self improvement forum used a new skill on a bully. He had been tormented by this bullying for some time. Every morning the bully would grab my sister’s school bag and throw it on the road while waiting for the school bus to arrive. My sister would usually be angry. After returning from Melbourne where he had participated in the program, he decided to stop reacting in the same way he always did and use a new way he had learned to play whist at the forum.

“Thank you for giving me so much attention.”

That’s all he said. The bully panicked. He didn’t know how to react so he didn’t say anything and didn’t throw my sister’s bag again. Instead they became friends. Funny how things can change so much just with a simple change in strategy.

I am now committed to regularly reading and listening to positive material that will help with my new lifestyle. I have seen the benefits in a short time. Some of these changes have been immediate… CAUSE AND EFFECT. I’m so glad it didn’t take me licking someone’s dirty feet to realize it. As a result of this change in my thought patterns and actions, I feel happier. I feel positive and my children are definitely benefiting from these changes. I’m letting go of old ways that didn’t work for me the first time, the second time and every time after that. I am ready to finally reach my full potential. I am giving up my anger towards people who have hurt me because I have decided to take my power back. I am finally in control of my own happiness.

How about you? What areas in your life need to change in order to get you off the happy path, without getting anywhere fast?

Tash Majenta 🙂

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