My 6 Year Old Keeps Saying Her Mouth Feels Funny Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an "In-Charge" Parent

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Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an "In-Charge" Parent

C. How do I get over the 16 year old who only does things on his time frame. For example, when I ask him to do something, he deliberately takes his time just to annoy me. I’m not sure what to do.

A. This is a good question for at least two reasons: It provides an opportunity to share some basic principles for parenting teenagers and allows me to deliver solutions.

Basic Principles

The average 16-year-old is 16 going on 26 and 16 going on 6 all at the same time.

Take the verbal ability and “wisdom” of 16 going on 26, mix well with the “I want what I want when I want it, which is now!” of the 16 going on 6, and you have a powerful, demanding and very manipulative creature.

You can’t “force” a teen to do much of anything. At least not without a lot of negative consequences for you, the teen, and the relationship.

As I have said many times before, trying to control a teenager is like trying to put pants on a gorilla. It’s just going to block you and make the gorilla really mad.

With the right strategies, however, you can have a big impact on your teens, their choices, and their environments. More on this a little later.

Teenagers, just like all children, are by nature very obedient.

No, I haven’t lost my mind or left the real world. Teenagers are very obedient to the ways in which we teach them to behave. We teach them how to behave directly, by our example, or indirectly, by what we let them get away with and what we let them do.

Solutions

Somehow, and it doesn’t matter how, your son has found that he can get away with what he does.

Here are three solutions to turn this thing around:

1. Our children are bright and they know what spoils them. As they get older, it will be fun to see what they can get us to do in our frustration. It makes them feel a little powerful.

So, the first solution is to get rid of the behavior and responses that are so confusing to you. Since the behaviors seem to have been happening for some time, you should stop being surprised by them. Intended to carry them. When it comes, dismiss the invitation to get confused.

As your son opens his mouth and/or behaves in the way that has upset you so far, picture a big hook coming out of his mouth straight at you to hook you in. with your mouth closed.

If nothing else, this will cheer you up and make you smile in a difficult situation. That will make your child wonder what is going on, which is a good thing in this situation.

2. Next, give up the “illusion of choice and control.” Part of the struggle for teenagers is to become more and more independent, which includes having more control and choices in their own lives. We want them to be more and more independent, or to be living at your home when they are 30.

So, when you want your teenager to take an action, let’s say take his shoes to his room, this is what you say: “I want you to get your shoes in the bedroom. You can do it now or before the end of the next step. commercial, (when this show ends, before you go to bed, etc.)” You, as a parent, choose the “before time” part.

3. Follow this up with: “You have decisions, choices and results to make. If you decide not to do what I asked, the bad result will be …” _ something you as a parent can control and will be unpleasant enough for your teenager. Since, in this case, he is 16 , if he has a driver’s license you have very good leverage.

You continue: “If you decide to do what I have asked, the good results will be that you will get more of what you would like to do. I’ll be watching to see what you do.”

Then walk away. Do not participate in any discussion.

And one more suggestion: As you enter this plan, you must be willing to stick with it for the long haul. I can predict that as you implement these solutions, you will get some “change back” behavior from your son.

Change behavior back to basically your son saying, “But Mom, I liked him the way he was before when I was in charge. Please tell me you don’t really mean this! And, with that I think you don’t really mean it. , I’m going to try my best to get you back and change you back.”

What you don’t get is, “Thanks, Mom. We’ve got a great solution to this problem. I think I want to grow up to be a counselor now.”

No, it just won’t happen.

Adopt these solutions, and I think you will like the results.

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