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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong
Are things not going as well as you would like in your life or at home? It’s a common problem, but where is the answer for how to fix what’s wrong? Almost all of our problems begin right in our own heads. Over the years I have found a way to get to the heart of our problems and see ways to work them out. It all starts with you and your thinking. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start making important changes in your life and family.
1. This is the hardest. Don’t believe everything you think right now, because you can change what you think. This is really what separates us from the animals – the ability to think what we think.
Just because you think something is like that, doesn’t make it true. If you think the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it is round. If I think someone is mad, that’s just a reflection of what I think and really has no bearing on what the other person thinks. This brings to mind a bunch of teenagers who are tied to who thinks what and who said what. “Sally thinks Jake told Ben he likes you.” All of this speculation in no way reflects Jake’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful about believing everything you think!
2. Ask yourself this question: “What is my struggle?” Please put on paper exactly what is bothering you. He wrote in objective, specific terms. ‘Something’s not right at home’ can be a gut feeling, but it doesn’t really explain anything and will leave you feeling sad. Make it specific to you — “I’m bored.” “I have no money.” “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
3. Now, ask yourself, “What got me here?” Write down everything you can think of that has brought you to this point in your life. This is not a blame session, it is an open, honest look at your life, your ideas, your assumptions. Other questions to ask yourself to help with this part of the process are – “What do I hear?” “What do I see?” and most importantly, “What am I telling myself?”
Pay special attention to that last question and take the time you need to complete this step honestly and fairly.
4. The next section makes you look for evidence, or results, of your thoughts. Here is the question — “What are the physical, or visible results of my thinking?” How have you seen your way of thinking manifest itself in the real world. Be specific.
5. Now is the time to start looking for what you want to see happen in your world. Be sure to write down the answer to this question as well. “How do I want to be?” Or “What do I want that is different?” In this step describe what you want in the most vivid detail. Use all your senses in describing your desire. It is very important that you see this clearly.
If you get going on this step and something in your head says things like, “That will never happen.” “Don’t be a dreamer.” “This is useless.” Refer back to step number one. Your life can change completely, and it starts in your thoughts. Countless people have proven that over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t make it so! Carry on! Fight the idea and start changing everything!
6. After all the work you did in steps 1-5 now it’s time to look for a change. Here is the next critical question you must ask yourself and write down the answers – “What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision?” What are you willing to do to change yourself? These answers may take time and soul-searching, but they are worth the effort.
Decide on 3 to 5 things you wrote down that you can start working on immediately. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, that’s okay, it may take many months for real change to bear fruit, but change will come if you keep going.
I would like to tell you about my own experience with these steps and some life changes that came because I did exactly what I want you to do.
Three and a half years ago I was flat on my back with a back injury that came about because I was overweight, overworked, and stressed. My husband and three children set up a bed in the living room for me so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldn’t go up the stairs because my back was so bad). I could hardly even walk. I had neglected my health to the point that I was 5’3″ 178 pounds weak. I wasn’t used to sitting around and the fact that I had to stay in bed just moved me mad. After four days of this misery, lying there, in pain, alone for my children, frustrated about everything that wasn’t going to be done, I started I wasn’t have explained all these steps yet, but when I look back I see that I did exactly what I want you to do.
1. Don’t believe everything you think – I have to take care of everyone and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve the care, not me. I don’t need help.
2. What is my struggle? I’m hurt, I’m fat, I’m unhealthy, I can’t take care of my family.
3. How did I get here? I always make time to care for everyone else, but not myself. I think I don’t have time to take care of myself, and I can go on like this. I eat junk. I don’t exercise. I go to bed late and then, I don’t sleep well.
4. What are the physical / tangible results? Here I am, I can’t do anything. I can barely take care of myself, let alone anyone else.
I felt sick inside seeing myself in this situation. Something happened inside me and I said out loud, “I’m not living like this anymore!” I think I shocked myself a little when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder.
5. How do I want to be? I closed my eyes and began to imagine running in the garden, playing with my children, without pain. I pictured myself, thin, fit, running. I saw walking, swimming – active. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I began to feel hope again. I caught sight of what I wanted – the smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air.
6. What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision? I new that I needed physical therapy. I had to eat healthy food and smaller portions. As soon as I could, I had to exercise. I had to develop ways to gain will power. I needed to get more rest. I needed to ask for help more often. I had to set aside a certain amount of time to take care of myself.
I wrote everything down. I still couldn’t get out of bed, but I started to say to myself, “I’m slim, healthy, and beautiful. I take care of myself, and I’m worth it.” (I still say this to myself 3 ½ years later.)
By the next week I was able to start physical therapy. It was a long process, but in a few months I was able to go to the pool. I became more active. I started keeping track of everything I ate and developed my own system for counting my food. I tried new foods. My whole family was willing to help. They helped me to have the time to exercise every day. I lost 25 pounds and felt better than I had in years.
Then a year and a half into my efforts I hit a stop. I was tired of eating right. I was bored with my food intake. I lost motivation to stick with it. I gained 15 pounds back and I could see that the scale was going right back to where it was. I was in the dumps and I thought, “What’s the use?” I wonder what I did? Same thing – I defined the problem, looked at how I got to this place, looked at the results, updated my vision and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started to run a little. I bought a step counter (my secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system to give me a break from my old one. Basically, I did everything I did before, but revisited it based on my new circumstances. I lost the 15 lbs. I had gained back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with the previous loss). I have 16 pounds to go to get to where I want to be. My back hardly hurts anymore and last Saturday I spent the day scuba diving with my daughter – something I couldn’t do 3 years ago.
The steps work! Change your thinking and vision and change your life!
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