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My Mother Used To Say
“Carl, if you look hard enough, you can see good in everything.” Mom called it “Happy Fault”. She used the crucifixion of Christ as an example. It is sad that he suffered and died, but it is good that he saved us.
In my life and work as a therapist, I have come to see how right she was.
Many years ago, when I was working in another city, a young, desperate woman came for help. She was very depressed and unhappy as she was a single mother struggling to raise her two children aged five and six. Her husband had abandoned her when they were babies. She met this man who spoke sweetly to her. She took her to bed. He told her he had a vasectomy. She got heavy and fast
out of sight. We talked about her options. I was glad to hear that she would not consider abortion. I suggested adoption.. We talked a bit about that and she agreed to consider it. When she was leaving she said, “Oh! My mother. I’m afraid to tell her. She’s really going to blow me!” When I found out that her mother lived only a few blocks away, I encouraged her to tell her and get over it.
Well, she came back two weeks later and she was happy. She told her mother and her mother said, “I’m not made of sugar. I know what it’s like to be lonely. I love you and I’ll support you.” Wow!… She called her sister who was in California hoping to get a job in the film industry. The sister knew a couple there who were trying to adopt but, they were in their forties and they were not eligible. They were considering going to the orient for a baby. The sister put her in touch with them. She went out to California to talk about it and they came to this agreement. The couple would adopt the child, give her a thousand dollars a month for a year, and pay all her medical expenses. Also, the couple was so happy, that they opened doors for the sister and she got a job.
From something that looked so rotten, a child is born into the world, she and her mother are brought closer, the childless couple has a child, the woman is helped financially and the sister has a job. So… my mom knew what she was talking about.
When I was a teenager, I was hungry. Usually Mount Vesuvius was in front of me. In fact, I once fell asleep at the library and woke up with a blind man reading my face! You may be laughing but it wasn’t funny then.
I tried everything to get rid of those pimples, but puberty took over. As I look back on it now, I realize that it was a good thing in many ways. The people selling the stuff I tried made a living from it. I developed a sense of humility that comes from being a victim and I believe, that makes me a more compassionate person today.
Also, I vividly remember, one great day, when I met a young woman I hadn’t seen in a long time and she said, “Carl, your bum is gone!” I was the happiest person in the world!
We have to be sick to appreciate being healthy. The power has to go out before we can enjoy the luxury of electricity. Think of all the times in your life when you look back on something you believed was terrible, and, in the light of a new day, it was the best thing that ever happened to you.
Even Plato agrees,
“You remember what people say when they’re sick? What are they saying?
After all, there is nothing more pleasant than health. But then they never knew this
let their happiness be the greatest until they were sick.
— Plato, The Republic. Book IX.
We see it so often in nature, that the seed has to die so that the flower can grow. The beautiful autumn leaves must fall to replenish the earth. Life is lost and life is found. I remember a special program on television where penguins suffer extreme cold and sacrifice to protect their eggs so that the species succeeds.
So when life is a pit and the rent is not paid and you are in despair and you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, remember the words of my Mother. Have hope, say a prayer, do something to change things and make sure that when the sun rises in the morning, there will be something good for you.
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