How Tall Is Considered Average For 15 Year Old Girls Adult Bullies

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Adult Bullies

“All cruelty springs from weakness” (Seneca, 4BC-AD65)

There are those who say that behind all forms of violence, conflict, persecution, abuse, harassment, discrimination and prejudice is bullying.

The recent death of Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old Massachusetts girl who hanged herself after being bullied by a group of students at her school, is putting the spotlight on teenage bullying. And there are other notable cases of children, teenagers and young adults, both on and off the internet (ie cyber taunting on Face book) that come to mind when we think of bullies. However, it is not only children and teenagers who bully. Although it may not be as obvious or easily identifiable, adult bullying may be more widespread. “Independent research suggests that bullying affects around 1 in 4 people” – regardless of age (“Life After Adult Bullying” – Internet)

Bullying is defined as “an act of repeated aggressive behavior with the purpose of intentionally harming another person, physically or mentally.” (Wikipedia) It is characterized as behavior that leads to gaining power over another person. And it is a form of abuse. I would suggest that if you reframe the descriptive action from “repeated aggressive behavior” to “taking out frustrations” on those who are weaker or different, bullying becomes a much more common and identifiable act. In fact, it is ubiquitous.

There are different types of bullies and different environments in which they breed. There are verbal bullies, physical bullies, serial bullies, gangs, cyber bullies, subordinate bullies, unconscious bullies, work bullies, sadistic bullies, and psychotic and sociopathic bullies. Bullies are at work, at home, in schools, in governments, in religious organizations, on the Internet, and in social cliques.

All bullies have in common the use of power to satisfy their own psychological deficiencies. Every time a bully goes up against someone weaker, they feel better for a moment. But because the feeling can’t last, they do it again and again. Sometimes the bully seems to lack insight into his own behavior (the ignorant bully), but more often the bully knows but chooses to ignore the moral and ethical considerations by which most people are bound. The rules don’t apply to them. Or they have projected so much self-hatred onto the other that they truly believe that those they are bullying deserve exactly what they are getting.

Why are there so many bullies in society? Because bullying itself is not against the law. And most bullies commit unstoppable crimes. So it becomes unconsciously acceptable. It’s an outlet – a way to vent frustration and/or anger and stay within the law.

There are adult bullies that we can easily identify – Hitler was a bully, racists are bullies and your boss might be too. Parents and older siblings have been known to bully. Sure, gang members bully. But what about those who threaten, shame, or intimidate you into doing things you don’t really want to do? It happens to most of us, and when it does, we are bullied – even if it comes from a person or institution you love, respect, admire – your government, your church, your girlfriend/boyfriend, a family member, a professional colleague . Sometimes there is a fine line between harmless coercion and bullying. But you can feel the difference. You can tell when you are truly ambivalent and therefore open to being talked into something, vs. when you are forced to act against your better instincts, wishes or values. And if more than one person (ie an organization or group) is bullying you, it becomes even more difficult to stand up for yourself.

More insidious and pernicious is the type of bullying that has less to do with making you do something you don’t want to do and more to do with “putting you in your place,” minimizing, or even destroying you to make yourself feel better. themselves. People do this consciously or unconsciously because of a hole in themselves that they try to fill by being better than someone else. It gives them a sense of power and authority in the world that they would not otherwise experience. It’s a way of externalizing your own feelings of insecurity, inferiority, and anger by projecting those feelings onto someone else and then attacking them. Some bullying is so subtle that you can start to believe the bully – it makes you feel insecure about yourself – bad about yourself. They can even do it under the guise of friendship or love. It becomes more of a mind game than an outright violation. But it’s still bullying. We won’t be able to rid the world of bullies, but we can learn how to stand up to them.

People who bully usually have low self-esteem and a certain amount of resentment (envy, jealousy) that makes them project their own feelings of inadequacy onto you while denying that there is anything wrong with them. Not all bullies are serial bullies – sometimes the average person will lose under pressure and take out their feelings in a bullying way. But regardless of how or why this is happening to you, it is unacceptable.

How do you stand up against bullying? Be aware of what’s going on and remember that the bully has the problem – not you – and that it can be dealt with. If they are not physically threatening you, bullies are “paper tigers”. If you confront them calmly and rationally confront their behavior in asserting your rights, they will back down. If you call them out on their actions, they usually have nowhere to go – especially if others witness the actions. You don’t have to attack the bully; you don’t want to give them a reason to escalate by getting involved in an excited or emotional way. In short, you have to stand up for yourself resolutely. You might be thinking that it sounds easier than it really is. So start slow. If you can’t stand up to the bully immediately, at least don’t play into his behavior by trying to appease him. Let them know you’re not intimidated by your reaction, and then quietly walk away. Think about what you want to say and either approach them later or wait until the next time they act like this and then call them out. Tyrants have no real power. Once they realize you won’t join their game and expose them, they’ll disappear.

Roni Weisberg-Ross LMFT 2010

http://www.roniweisbergross.com

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