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Miss Barbara Whines About Manners
This is about Edward (not his real name) who needs some advice to win friends and influence people. I gave him one of my favorite books, The Power of Charm by Brian Tracy, which is not only helpful but often funny. If he read it, little sunk in.
Socially, Edward is a bit clueless, but he is trying and improving. Bless his heart, he’s in his twenties and realizes he doesn’t know everything yet. He has not yet reached the maturity he had years ago at his age. He’s a budding real estate mogul, euphoric about the current red-hot real estate market, and he’s good at it. Very good. But alas, he has not learned the necessary subtleties that make him a polished gentleman. (Do they already exist?)
If you think I’m “complaining”, I’m not. Instead of “explaining”, I try to be helpful.
Without further ado, I’ll explain why I think Edward is clueless at times and why it matters, especially when it comes to elderly people whose houses he wants to sell. I will give two examples.
First example: Edward has a girlfriend, Mary Beth, and she is a beautiful and loving “older woman” by a few years, which is good because Mary Beth has a maturity that helps Edward, whether she knows it or not.
To give a concrete example of what I “explain and don’t complain about”, for my birthday Mary Beth gave me two beautiful tea cups along with exotic aromatic tea bags. Honestly, I thought the cups were too pretty to use, but without saying, “Can I?” –, Edward took one of the tea bags and made himself a cup of tea. To be clear: Edward didn’t realize it wasn’t cool to “try” what wasn’t his. He knows enough to say “please” and “thank you,” but “I can” is not yet part of his social vocabulary. Thoughtlessness may be okay among his peers, but older people may take exception to reckless behavior.
Here is another example. Edward was sitting in the group, watching TV, nonchalantly placing his feet (in shoes) on the table in front of him. (The horrors!) This upset me so much that I embarrassed him (and myself) by telling him to take his feet off the table.
In response, he pointed out that the man sitting with him also had his feet on the table (which is also not acceptable), but the difference was that the other young man had no shoes. I didn’t scold the guy without shoes, even though I had, because you don’t put your feet on the furniture with or without shoes. They can dance on the tables in their own house if they want, but not in Miss Barbara’s abode. Those sitting around were horrified that I was going to punish Edward, but I was angry. Please do what you want in your own home, but elderly people don’t like you making thoughtless assumptions in their home.
Am I right? Have I become a petulant curmudgeon (That will never happen.) who doesn’t care about insulting sensitive youth who have never been told they’re wrong and don’t seem to be coming of age until middle age? After all, most of the time, nobody ever told snowflakes they were inappropriate or sloppy. It can cause a meltdown and require the puppy to hug.
Alas, if Edward had my mother! She would have chewed him on one side and the other. You know what I mean?
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