How Should A 14 Year Old Girl Act Towards Parents Relationships’ Most Powerful Secret – Guaranteed Success

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Relationships’ Most Powerful Secret – Guaranteed Success

Without a doubt, the most valuable and practical thing I learned about the psychology of relationships and how they work came about 12 months ago when I was introduced to Transactional analysis. I suggest that if you study this and acquire the skill, you cannot fail to improve your most emotional relationships.

Now imagine that you are in a conflict situation with someone you love, or conversely with someone you can’t stand. It’s an emotional situation; you both have a fever. Who gives up? No one does that in a situation like this. And that’s the problem. In general, you will never get anywhere in an emotionally charged atmosphere. At least one person loses, and sometimes both sides lose.

This is what transactional analysis is all about. It’s simply understanding the basics of “adult” behavior compared to “childish” behavior – be clear about this though; the terms “adult” and “child” have absolutely nothing to do with a person’s age. It is about maturity. Have you ever noticed a 14-year-old who seems more grounded and mature than a 60-year-old? It happened.

The main principle is this: when you choose communicate only through the “adult” mode of communication, regardless of how the other person communicates, you force maturity into the dialogue, albeit with complete respect for the other party. In an emotional conversation, both parties are usually the “parent” of the other “child party” – injured child in each of us. When you do it this way, you both end up offending each other because no one appreciates being a “parent”, especially adults. It becomes a vicious cycle where they both take turns parenting only to be insulted by the other for treating them like children.

The “adult” way of communicating and acting, on the other hand, is represented by the behavior that is realistic, responsible, rational, reasonable and logical. This means that you won’t get everything your way, but you will be able to have a discussion and negotiate a mutually beneficial outcome in most, if not all, situations. When the other party sees you behaving this way, with respect, they can’t help but reciprocate because all defenses don’t work. Both sides should then be able to achieve what is important to them, within the limits of their possibilities, and still find a compromise position for the other.

I advise young people to do this with their parents, especially when parents are emotional and want to assert their authority in authoritarian (not authoritarian) ways. They should go with it and try to be realistic, responsible, rational, reasonable and logical. In fact, they will influence their parents through basic respect and get rid of the emotional mood. This is of course how parents should treat their younger children as well, especially when teenagers seem to command respect even though (given their behavior) they don’t really deserve it. It is wise for both parties to behave this way, not only for the relationship, but also for their own inner peace and reason. There’s just no need for all the stress.

The truth is this: No adult acts like an adult all the time – all adults act like children at times. And while it’s hard for teens to act like adults, it’s not impossible. Respect goes a long way and my experience suggests that consistent respectful parenting works wonders.

It’s the same with work relationships. If you feel your blood boiling or your heart pounding with adrenaline when a particular person approaches you, take courage and try to be realistic, responsible, rational, reasonable and logical, regardless of how they interact with you. Be consistent and don’t give up. Over the days, weeks, and months of this non-reactive behavior, you will eventually see a change in the way this person interacts with you. You may be bullied or harassed, but you can gain some control and power back purely by being “more grown up”. This is very empowering information and a great skill to develop.

It takes courage to attempt this, to reject your feelings instead of staying in control of your emotions and guarding your ability to think effectively, and it also takes persistence to manage them. It takes years to really master it, but you don’t have to waste time getting started.

The following is standard advice I would give to a teenager trying to implement this better method of communication with parents:

  • It’s best to be treated like an adult. It makes us feel the happiest and most respected.
  • Try to treat others like adults – respect others as much as possible.
  • You cannot act like a child and expect a parent/peer/teacher to treat you like an adult.
  • Act more like an adult words and tone it must be emotionless – if you feel emotions rising, try saying or doing anything.
  • About mistakes and forgiveness…

  • If you make a mistake and lose control, it’s not the end of the world. Try and have the courage to apologize and ask for forgiveness at the right time. Also forgive yourself.
  • If someone makes a mistake with you, try to have a forgiving attitude towards them – try not to react emotionally.
  • Wherever it says “try”, remember that no one is perfect. We all have bad days. We’re all about progress, not perfection. Grace covers the rest. do not give up.
  • I continue to think positively.
  • © Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.

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