How Old Is The Look At All Those Chickens Girl Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

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Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe the mind’s tendency to connect two unrelated events or experiences, especially when a strong emotion is present.

For example, if your mother fed you chicken soup when you were sick as a child, you will always associate chicken soup with being loved and cared for.

On the other hand, if you’ve ever contracted food poisoning from eating rotten pickles, just the smell of pickles will be enough to make you feel sick years after the event.

How does anchoring work in relationships?

If you come home from work excited about a promotion and see your lover’s face, you associate that feeling of elation with seeing his or her face. By the same token, if you hate your job and constantly talk about those feelings over dinner with your partner, you will unconsciously begin to associate those bad feelings with him or her.

In this case, you need to consciously try to share more good moments with them, so that it is easier to associate positive feelings with the sight of their face.

Sharing good times creates positive anchors or associations. It helps you get through the less positive times that every couple experiences at some point in their relationship.

A breakup is often the result of connecting too many negative anchors to the look on your partner’s face without knowing how to counter them by intentionally creating positive ones.

Here is a common example. A young doctor whose wife works to help him through medicine may decide to divorce her after he graduates. This is because he associates the look on her face with the hard times they experienced during those years. All of this is unconscious, of course—all he knows is that he feels bad whenever he looks at her. He mistakenly takes this as a sign that the relationship is not working.

Now that you know how anchoring works, use it intentionally to improve your relationship.

1. Plan positive events together and make sure you don’t let any negativity get into the event. Save arguments or disagreements for later.

2. During the height of an intensely positive moment you share,

a) touch your loved one lightly with your knee or arm,

b) shake the person’s hand, or

(c) hug him or her.

The next time you repeat the same gesture with that person in some other context, it will reawaken some of the original emotions in them.

Similarly, if you touch someone in a specific way when they are feeling sad, such as squeezing their shoulder or putting your arm around them at a funeral, touching them in the same way later will reawaken feelings of sadness. So be careful about what kinds of emotions you associate with your touch, words, or face.

How does this apply to gifts?

A gift is inherently an anchor. Every time the recipient looks at the gift, he remembers the occasion when he received it, especially if he was experiencing strong emotions at the time.

So you can help ensure that your gift is a solid, lasting anchor by making sure that you create a truly memorable gift-giving experience – such as an extremely romantic evening.

A woman will always remember following a trail of rose petals in her lover’s apartment to find the necklace he bought her for her birthday.

A man will always remember his lover gifting him his very own star in just a star print bra and g-string.

It is also important to consider the opposite effect.

Never give a gift as an excuse. You don’t want to create negative anchors by giving gifts after an argument.

If you give your wife a diamond ring as an apology for catching you cheating with your secretary, the ring will always remind her of your infidelity.

If you give your husband a new watch as an excuse for crashing his BMW, he’ll remember your transgression every time he checks the time.

Even if these memories don’t make it into conscious awareness, they lurk just below the surface. It makes better sense to let them fade away instead of attaching them to physical items like gifts.

Keep things simple. A sincere apology is all that is required after an argument. Save gifts for positive occasions.

© Marguerite Bonneville

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