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What to Talk About With Girls – Dating Tips For Men
Actually, the title of this article is a bit misleading because what you are talking about is not that important.
I’m not going to give you a list of subjects and say “you have to talk about them here, but you can’t talk about them”.
By the way, those old dating tips where you can’t discuss religion, politics, sex, or ex-partners on the first date are a load of garbage. It’s all about how you approach these subjects. Some of the most interesting, exciting meetings I’ve had were where we went deep into all of these topics.
That last sentence is a big clue here.
Like many things in life, it’s not about what you do, but how you do it. So the subject matter is less important than how you talk about it.
Here’s a common cliché that you’ve probably heard before, but it’s actually generally very true:
Men speak FACTS, women speak FEELINGS.
So let’s say he tells you he has a new job.
As men, it’s natural for us to want to know all the details. Where does he work, how far is he from home, does he drive or take the train or walk there, how many hours does he work, is he paid competitively, does he get occasional Fridays, what are the opportunities for advancement, is adequate training offered…etc.
But as a woman, it’s more natural for her to want to discuss her feelings about the new job – she was nervous when she started, it was a big problem for her to leave her old place, what made her leave, how she’s getting on with her new colleagues, she’s happy with how things are going so far …etc
Here’s something you can try today to better connect with women:
For each fact, find out how she will feel and verbalize it.
So, for example, let’s say she started a new job on Monday, you could say, “Did she just start her new job? You must have been a bit nervous on Monday.’
Then let her elaborate.
Or let’s say he’s having problems with his boss, you can say, “Yeah, it’s always hard when you have problems with your boss. It’s hard to know if you should say something and risk ruining your career or the atmosphere in the office, or if you should just move on and hope things get better. Any ideas what to do with it?’
What you are doing here is an act of empathy. You show that you understand how she feels about the situation – this makes her feel like she “gets me”.
Compare that to what most men do – when they say they’re having trouble with their boss, they see it as an opportunity to show how smart they are and drop a truckload of unsolicited advice on what they would do in her situation. .
Most of the time this will just irritate her because what she really wants is to connect with another human being, not necessarily get a solution to her problem.
So try this the next time you’re in a conversation with a woman (it doesn’t have to be in a romantic context – you can practice this all day with women at work, with friends, in your family, or whatever) – ask her for the facts, and when she tells you one fact, associate it with the feeling you think it will make her feel.
And if you get the feeling wrong, don’t worry – she’ll just correct you and say “no, actually I wasn’t nervous at all about my interview”. Don’t argue with her – instead talk about the new feeling: ‘oh ok…so are you the type of person who just doesn’t get nervous or was it different this time for some reason?’
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