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Dating A Serial Cheater? How Serial Cheaters Can Seduce You
Serial cheaters are not always easy to spot. They are sincere, seductive and charming. One woman I know met someone she took an instant liking to. After two dates she was electrified. The chemistry was so intense that she couldn’t see the signs of cheating written on his forehead. Blinded by his charisma, she didn’t recognize that she was just one girl in a long line of girls. When she found out he was cheating on her with several other women he thought he was also in love with, she lamented, “All men cheat. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t.”
If you’re attracting cheaters, it helps if you notice the patterns of behavior you both have BEFORE you get involved. He cannot operate alone. You are his accomplice. This statement is not meant to blame, but rather to help you understand that you don’t have to remain a target. You are in control of your life. How does he seduce you?
1. Dressed for Success – Attracting the Wrong Guy.
Scammers like to date certain types of women. If you go out with your friends and want to impress a guy with the way you dress and act, sexy clothes and flirtatious talk will get you what you say you don’t want – a cheater.
2. The scammer notices you.
Serial cheaters have an instinct for who to go after. He sends a drink to your table or comes to ask your name. He makes you feel special. Before you know it, you spend the evening talking, dancing, probably drinking and romancing. He might flash you money or tell you how successful he is or offer to drive you home in his new car. He picks up the card, tells you how beautiful you are, wants to see you the next night, and calls you several times a day. He is relentlessly persistent. You feel validated; they feel in control.
3. The cheater rushes the relationship.
A cheater who wants to date you has a ritual of behavior that he repeats over and over. If he says right away, “I love you and I’ve never felt this way before,” trust me, he does has he said it before. If he’s talking about getting you a ring, where you can buy a house and live in, and how he’s always wanted kids, it’s too fast. They are trying to tie you down and control your life. If he is rich, he is willing to pay for this check by bringing you gifts and helping with your daily living expenses. Once you get used to this financial relief, it will be hard for you to send him away when you find him cheating. He knows it.
4. The scammer knows you are vulnerable.
Scammers instinctively know that you may have just gotten out of the crisis of your life. The death of a loved one, going through a divorce or being dumped by your boyfriend can leave you feeling insecure. You are even more susceptible to a cheater or abusive man if you came from an abusive home or relationship. If you lack the family support you need, it will play on your vulnerability. His approach is to get you to open up emotionally and share your problems. It offers understanding, warmth and a comforting feeling that it wants to take care of you. Of course, his shoulder to lean on is worth something.
5. The cheater senses that you are trying to be an adult in a scary world.
Serial cheaters can tell when you pretend to the world that you have everything under control, but the fact is that you probably don’t have enough money, enough of a support team around you, and enough of a safety net underneath you to feel safe. . Instead of devoting your time and effort to studying for a degree and a better job, you might be working in a job that doesn’t pay enough and leads nowhere. When a serial magician shows up, you want to BELIEVE him. You don’t want to see lies and patterns. You invest whatever time you have left at the end of the day into trying to make a relationship work that never goes anywhere.
6. The cheater is dating others and you are outraged when you find out.
When you think you are exclusively dating a cheater, sooner or later you will find out that he lied to you and cheated on you. You might see him with someone else, read his emails that you weren’t supposed to see, listen to his phone messages, or get a call from his other girlfriend. You cry, he begs for forgiveness and offers promises he simply cannot keep. He showers you with gifts and you start the process over. This cycle continues until months…or years…later, you’ve had enough.
Dating a cheater can turn your life upside down, but you don’t have to stay there. If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, there is hope out there. Old patterns can be broken and you can have luck instead of drama. Learn how to spot a serial cheater before they cross the room.
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