How Old Can You Be To Be A Flower Girl Unmarried Mom – An Open Invitation for Dirty Looks?

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Unmarried Mom – An Open Invitation for Dirty Looks?

The stigma of being an unwed mother may not be as strong as it was in, say, the 1950s, but trust me, it’s still there. I know this because I am the mother of a beautiful seven month old baby girl and I am not yet married. Leah’s dad and I found ourselves expecting a baby before we even had a chance to get engaged! I mean it was purely a coincidence, but I can’t lie anymore. I always knew I wanted to have a baby when I was still in my twenties; I wanted to be a young, easy-going mom. We knew we would get married eventually and figured it really shouldn’t matter what came first – the ring or the baby. So we weren’t that careful with protection and I got pregnant soon.

Whenever I ventured out with Leah, I always noticed a lot of people cooing over the baby and then their eyes darting to my left ring finger. When they didn’t find what they were looking for, their attitude seemed to change a bit. They almost seemed to back away from us like we had the flu! I just don’t see why the absence of an ounce of gold really matters.

It’s a real shame that I feel like I have to “explain” to some people how Leah came to be. It seems that after people in conversation realize that Tim and I have a child and we’re not married yet, the automatic next question is, “When’s the wedding?” According to the US Census Bureau, 29.3% of women who gave birth in 2003 were single. However, it still seems that in social situations people are expected to be married if they have children together.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to get married. I plan to have my boyfriend pop the question whenever he feels the time is right and for us to get married when our daughter is old enough to be our flower girl. However, there are people who don’t want to get married at all, and why shouldn’t that be acceptable? Women should not have to endure the prying eyes and judgment of others’ attitudes. Long gone are the days when a young woman who found herself pregnant “out of wedlock” had to disappear for nine months to have her child. A mother is a mother, regardless of whether she was married when she became or not.

I’m not advocating that all women who want babies should just run out and get pregnant. All I’m trying to force on you is that every couple has the right to direct the course of their relationship without having to explain their choices to others. If a child has parents who love them, who cares if they are married or not?

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