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Is Your Child a Sex Offender’s Target?-Learn Their Ruse
Sex offenders come from all walks of life, ages and any socio-economic status. They can be male or female, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, religious, atheist or agnostic, doctors, lawyers, judges, police officers, educated or uneducated, and of any race.
o In more than 85 percent of child sexual abuse crimes, the survivor is known to a parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, sibling, friend, caregiver, coach, teacher, neighbor, or parent of a playmate/friend.
o Strangers can be “good guys” or “bad guys”. (including women) People you or your children know can be “good guys” or “bad guys”. (including women).
o We do children a great disservice when we teach Stranger Dangers and leave it at that. According to government statistics, less than 1% of all sexually abused children are abused by strangers.
o Sixty-seven percent of adults convicted of serious sex crimes in 1995 had no prior criminal history.
Many pedophiles seek out single parent mothers or uninvolved parents to victimize their children. For example: Sports Illustrated article, September 3, 1999, “Who’s Coaching Your Kids?” about coaches who sexually abuse boys on the team they coach. On Thursday, October 21, 1999, Dateline rebroadcast a segment about coaches who sexually abuse children. Friday, November 5, 1999 20/20 aired a sexual abuse case from a small town involving a Boy Scout leader who sexually abused several boys over a year. One coach indicated in these cases that he was looking for single-parent families or families where the parents were often absent from practices or games. “These kids are hungry for attention, and I give them the attention they crave. I take them out for ice cream after a game or shopping. It’s amazing how parents rarely question my motives. If they do, I have a tailored explanation that can never suppress their suspicions.”
Other examples: A school teacher who often stays after school to help a child with learning difficulties; a parent who takes time off from work to accompany students on field trips; a grandparent who gives you gifts when you take your child on a fun outing, a neighbor who seems genuinely interested in your child.
I’m not suggesting that everyone involved with children is a sex offender. However, deceitful perpetrators demonstrate proper, moral, and exemplary behavior to develop credibility and prove their children’s love; thus, these actions dispel any suspicion of wrongdoing.
Montel Williams exclaimed on his show on November 11, 1999, “Why can’t we do something about it?” when he revealed the details of a ten-year-old pregnant woman who had been repeatedly raped by the eighteen-year-old son of her mother’s partner. While this story may seem unusual and/or effective for Montel Williams’ dramatic performance, it’s unfortunately all too common.
Most sex offenders “groom” their victims for months or even years before committing any sexual abuse. Gaining the parents’ trust, the offender offers to babysit the child or provide fun activities. During this time he/she takes care of the child. The perpetrator is aware of the need to control the child to the extent that he can sexually abuse the child without fear of being discovered by another adult. This manipulation can be obtained in various ways: favors, threats, guilt, etc.
A mother discovered that her husband had been playing a tickling game with their three-year-old son. The rules of the game were that it was fun – the son was instructed to tickle his father’s nipples by sitting over his father’s naked body from the waist up. The goal of this game was to “Make Dad Laugh”. Of course, the father could hold back his laughter until he experienced the desired sexual stimulation. When the mother objected to this game, the father scolded her for being jealous of the time she spent with their son.
Another mother was horrified when her three-year-old daughter asked her to play a game of pee-pee. She asked her daughter to explain this game. Her daughter was lying on her back on the floor with her legs spread and said, “Touch my pee-pee, mommy, that’s what daddy does.”
Why the sex offender ruse works more often than not…
Sex offenders rely on public misconceptions about their well-honed cunning.
As a society, we strongly condemn strangers as child sex offenders, but when someone we know is suspected or accused, many people take sides, often refusing to believe that a “pillar of the community” could commit this type of crime. A true seducer-type pedophile is extremely good at what he does. He puts himself in a position in his family or society where he has easy access to children. He will often work hard (sometimes for years) to gain the trust of family members or the community. When this person is accused by a child, families who love and trust that family member or trust and let the accused into their home often find it too difficult emotionally to believe that he would do such an act against a child. Michael Jackson is a prime example of society refusing to admit its error in judgment. The betrayal is too great, and many families will not only deny the possibility, but will blame and slander the child who made the accusation. This is what the offender is counting on. Families deceived by cunning predators could not imagine the extent of possible betrayal and the extent to which a predator could treat a child.
The answer is reasonable suspicion. See my article Protect Your Child from Sex Offenders – Do the Appropriate Suspicion
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