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How to Master Your Pickup Game

When I was much younger, I thought that in order to master the women’s selection game, I had to learn the technique. I felt like I needed to pick up lines, memorize material, and act “cool.” While these 3 things helped a little, I actually approached more women when I didn’t have an agenda. In other words, when I just wanted to go out with my group of friends and have a good time, there were times when I had more success with the opposite sex. For a long time I could not understand why.

After years of approaching, talking to, and meeting women, experience has taught me that the most important thing in mastering the game is your mindset. I know, I know, it’s not sexy, it’s not “trendy”, but it’s true. What exactly do I mean by “mindset” anyway? Let me explain this using a sports analogy. If you were to ask any golf professional if technique is important to their golf game, they would all agree that it is. But if you were to ask them if technique is more important than the ability to focus, discipline and be mental, you would find that they would say they are equally important. Some would even say that the right golf mindset is more important because without it you cannot improve your technique.

The game (or the attraction of women) is very similar to most competitive sports. You need to have both the right mindset and the right technique. But there’s one major difference between competitive sports and sports games: When it comes to meeting women, you have an almost infinite number of opportunities to succeed. In other words, if you watch basketball on TV, these athletes have 4 quarters to score enough points to win. In a shooting game, you don’t have such strict time limits. You can go out in public and approach women. You can go to different night clubs and bars to meet and talk with women. You can even approach them on the street. Think of it as practice.

Too often a man approaches a woman, says something, she doesn’t respond the way he wants her to, and then he walks away and lets negative thoughts creep in. This prevents him from taking another approach. If he does not use his willpower and decision-making power to control his thoughts, this can soon lead to learned helplessness. This is not a good place to be. I believe that many men settle for someone because they have learned that getting close to women means pain and discomfort. If you can’t get over these irrational emotional feelings, it will be very difficult to learn the game of pickup.

The key to learning the game is thinking the right way, and you do this through what’s called gradual conditioning. If you’re really shy like me, start by going out no less than 4 times in the first week and getting more eye contact than usual. Then in the second week, say “hi” or “hello” or “what’s up?” to one woman a day you don’t know. In the third week, you can double or triple that number. By the fourth week, you should start doing at least one approach per day (5 or more is much, much better, and you’ll learn to take it much faster).

If the thought of approaching a girl you don’t know scares the hell out of you, then do what I did. Pretend you are playing a video game. I’m not kidding, it really works. You see, going out and talking to women is not a reality. Think about it, she doesn’t know who you are and you don’t know who she is. Most of the time you just approach her because she looks a certain way. She will respond to you based on how she feels at that moment, how you look, and what you say and how you say it. So it’s not reality. It is only a very small echo of it. So when I go out to meet young women, I don’t take anything personally. It’s all about fun, learning and trying to make women smile.

Here’s what I used to do. For every woman I said “Hello” or “Hi” to, I gave myself one point. I gave myself 5 points for each conversation that lasted longer than 3 minutes. I gave myself 10 points for every phone number or email I received. If I kissed a girl that night, I gave myself another 10 points. So every night I went out I couldn’t stop approaching women until I hit 25 points. Within 2 months I had to raise it to 50 points because I had a much better understanding of women’s body language and a better understanding of what to say. So go out and try to make her smile, you’ll be pleasantly surprised if you honestly try.

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