Four Teenage Boys Try To Rape 12 Year Old Girl My Personal Story of Incest

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My Personal Story of Incest

This is a very personal journey of survival and healing and I hope to inspire and provide insight.

(incest – refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons (often within the immediate family) that is illegal or socially forbidden.)

I was adopted into a family as an infant. I was a year after the adoption process was completed and I went home to live with them. I had my first incest attack when I was four or five years old. As an infant, I developed the same bond with my mom and dad as if they were my birth parents. The incest attacks were very cruel, gradually as I got older, even more painful, my father used cruel, abusive mind games on me and twisted the truth and twisted my thoughts to suit his needs. He beat me unconscious several times, on 3 separate occasions he beat me so hard I thought I was going to die. He had 2 natural born children and at one point he put a gun to my brother’s head and said he was going to blow his brains out. We, including my mother, were beaten and abused every day. I won’t go into specifics because it’s not beneficial in any way and would only attract predators and scare off survivors because it would be too shocking and too painful to read.

For the first 3 or 4 years of my life I believe this was normal. For the next 8 to 9 years I endured unspeakable horror at the hands of a psychopathic pedophile. As a teenager I fought him and cursed him and he beat me mercilessly. I ran away several times and each time I was brought home by the police and once by a concerned family. The severity and duration of this level of abuse broke me, it shattered me mentally into a million different pieces and all of those pieces were damaged and imprinted with his mind manipulations. At age 12, my final incest attack ended my reign of terror as my father left and moved to California to work as a bus driver at an elementary school.

What follows is my journey through the devastation of what happened and my gradual recovery. By sharing this with the world, I hope to reach other survivors to inspire and perhaps gain insight into the recovery process. Not everyone will be able to relate to me, not everyone was abused so badly, some survived much worse. Regardless of your survival level, I still hope that as I share my struggles and my healing journey with you, you can be inspired and take away some insights or knowledge that will touch your life and be helpful.

During 8 years of incest, my only goal was to survive to become an adult so I could escape and be free. (Little did I know at the time that being free would mean 8 years of hard work in intensive therapy sessions.) As a child, I clung to the belief that somewhere, somehow, I would find a place and people who would love me and not take advantage of me. me. I clung to this belief; it helped protect my sanity, and that incredible hope also helped keep me alive. When I was very young and had attacks of blood sin, I suppressed it as soon as the attack stopped. I didn’t know this had happened. I became more and more wary and afraid of something trying to destroy me, but I couldn’t tell you what it was. As the bloodsin attacks continued, I learned to detach myself completely from my body and even sometimes remembered feeling like I was floating and looking down on the stage. I became a very light sleeper and the slightest sounds woke me up instantly. Gradually, the full weight and burden of the memories and countless incest attacks came into full awareness and I began the impossible task of suppressing my thoughts and trying to maintain control over the absolute chaos in my mind. My detachment from my body during the abuse was a relief and helped me survive, but slowly I realized that I maintained a level of detachment from my body the whole time. It was a problem because someone held my hand once or twice and I looked down at the sensation of suddenly realizing I had a hand and it was so small and warm in theirs. I will talk more about this in future posts.

As a child, I tried to stop the abuse by telling friends, strangers, teachers. I told a police officer in Lousiana that I was being abused and he did nothing to help me and took me home because I was running away and my father saw me being taken to the house in a police car and later beaten to unconsciousness. I told my mom, grandma and neighbors that I was being abused, no one helped me, they turned their backs on me, and grandma beat me so hard, blaming me when she yelled at me. I was so alone.

(sidebar here: if a child tells you they are being abused by their dad, the last person you call is the dad or the family. You are putting that child’s life at risk, in my case, my dad took special pleasure in beating me so hard on those occasions I thought he was killing me, I blacked out and thought I was going to die.)

So when a concerned person who I had told I was being abused called child welfare, I was in high school and when I was pulled out of class and into the counselor’s office I was in fear for my life, then I had my first and the only intervention. too late… because at one point my father had held a shotgun to my brothers head and told my brother he was going to blow his brains out, so I decided this man would probably kill one or all of us. So I did what I felt I should do, and I denied everything, sobbing hysterically; that the social worker begged me to come forward and they would protect me but I didn’t see how and my fear was so ingrained in me and since I had lived so long why risk the evil man killing me when I was so near freedom so I denied everything, in tears, in absolute fear for my life. It was too late.

My mother and father divorced when I was 12, his last abuse was public humiliation. But at the age of 17, I moved from my hometown and from all these nations, I never spoke to any of my family for nine years. As for my father, I chose never to speak to him again.

So if you are in the middle of abuse, seek help, you deserve to be safe, and since the 70’s when I tried to get help, there is more awareness of incest and more opportunities to seek help. I hope my articles help give you hope on your healing journey.

My experience left my mind a complete mess and a body numb and out of touch with reality. All the throbbing extreme and very intense emotions of pain, shame, humiliation, disgust, all these kinds of feelings are common and they happen over time and the counseling becomes a faint whisper that you barely hear and believe as you walk through the darkness. you will find the end of the tunnel and come out into the light and your heart will fly with joy, peace and love. I know because I am in the light and have been in the summer sun for many years, it really does get easier. Please wait and get inspiration from me. I have returned to the darkness to write to you, to hold your hand and to say come on this path with me out of the darkness and into the summer sun. Be brave and walk with me on this journey, you are no longer alone.

Let me say from the bottom of my heart that you need to seek professional help and vow never to be like these people. Never let the abusers win. Incest is generational abuse, take a stand right here and right now, don’t let incest pass from you to your children’s generations. Now begins your true journey to healing and recovery. Be brave and take it slow, it can’t be rushed.

In Dallas, you can look for the Pastoral Counseling and Education Center and Incest Recovery Association. Both of these agencies helped me recover. My heartfelt blog is not meant to be a substitute for professional help. Books to read… No One Ever Cried After Me, A Wounded Heart, Brave Love, The Shack.

You cannot know right now how deeply your abuse has changed your thinking, your behavior, your belief systems, your sexuality, your self-esteem, your self-worth, your future relationships, everything that happens within you has been changed by your abuser, but now is the time to do it. the lost land. Free your thoughts by doing the following: Take the thought to its source to see if it is based on truth or lies from the abuser.

These are simple examples, we all have much deeper and more complex thoughts:

I used to think I deserved to be abused. Well, that’s just not true. These are my father’s lies that he used to control me.

I used to think I was a bad person and somehow it was my fault. Well, that’s just not true. This is again my father’s lie to shame me and control me.

Look for your thoughts and write them down, please do so with guidance from your counselor to keep you safe and to make sure you understand the truth. Take that thought or belief back to its source and see if it is based on truth or lies and that is how you really begin to free yourself.

Dallas Pastoral Counseling and Education Center and The Family Place are great agencies to look into. Another great book “The Shack”.

Our thoughts become our behavior, start taking your thoughts back from the control of your abusers and in the next post I will discuss behavior….

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes; you will rise again whole and renewed.

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