Filled Out Physical Form For A 17 Year Old Girl Can We Overcome the Power of Limerence?

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Can We Overcome the Power of Limerence?

I’ve been around for a while and I always thought passion was the domain of very young and somewhat silly people. After all, didn’t I have multiple passions when I was 15 or 17? First, the girl was in the office of the mining company where I had my first job. She was two years older than me, but sophisticated well beyond her years. Then there was my friend’s mother, 26 years older. And a couple of others in the next year or two. Then, of course, I grew up. Or so I thought.

Once I started real in a relationship, the very idea of ​​passion seemed like childish entertainment. This is until very recently when I fell victim to what I later discovered was called “withdrawal”, a much more mature form of compulsive infatuation.

You see, there’s this woman at work who attracted me shortly after we first met. She is much younger than me and I realized that there was no real chance of a meaningful relationship, especially since I am not only too old for her, but also married.

I would have been happy with a platonic relationship as long as I could have spent some time with him and been close friends. Actually, my feelings for her were less physical and more about what I perceived to be her youthful, exuberant and sweet personality. And her intelligence. I thought she was great to be around and she made me happy when we were together.

Then I started waking up early to keep her in my thoughts. I thought about her day in and day out and when I saw her it was like my dreams had come true…at least when she was talking to me. I couldn’t believe that this young lady had taken over my thoughts without any knowledge or intent on her or my behalf. That’s part of what limerence is, what limerence does even for much older, mature people.

I had never heard the term limerence before but came across it while doing research for a solution.

(See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that cases of limerence often last for years. One way around this is to find another bad object… there really is no solution. I told myself that I was too smart, too experienced, and just too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my own destiny. Right?

Apparently not. Over the past few weeks, I have actively avoided contact with my “chalky object” at several social events and at work, hoping that my interest would simply fade away and take with it the emotional roller coaster that is winning. In fact, it made me more unhappy because I feel like I’m being unreasonable towards him as an innocent party in all of this.

Sometimes when she passes me in the hallway, she gives me a nice smile and says, “Hi, Robin,” and it shakes me to my core. Just seeing her or hearing her voice sends my chemistry into chaos mode.

If only I could find some flaw in him, maybe some bad thing, it would help change my opinion. I can not. She is perfect for me. There just seems to be no escape from limerence. It’s a matter of hanging in there and being tough.

I’m afraid if you’re ever unlucky enough to fall into a trap, you’ll have to get out too.

Copyright 2006 Robin Henry

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