Fiction Boy Sent To Learn Old Lady Girl Learn Cards Beware – Anger Kills Marriage

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Beware – Anger Kills Marriage

Many couples enter marriage with the mistaken belief that it is a “happily ever after.” There is no bigger myth than this. Living “happily ever after” only happens in fairy tales. Spouses bring to the marriage union not only love and understanding, but also likes, dislikes and annoyances. Therefore, disagreements are inevitable. They need to be resolved quickly because anger can be toxic to a marriage. Anger is the main enemy of marital happiness. However, if handled effectively, it can strengthen the bonds of marriage.

Trigger points that can make a person angry.

• Lack of understanding of the main differences between men and women. Both have different temperaments. Trouble starts when a person fails to appreciate or acknowledge differences and tries to change the other person. A woman must learn that a man reacts differently to situations and appreciate his cool stability in a crisis. A man should be aware of a woman’s emotional investment in the home and family and not criticize the intensity of her emotions. A man’s competitiveness often exceeds that of a woman. He derives his sense of worth from success in his profession. He would like his wife to understand that he needs to recover from the stress of work before he can give her his full attention.

• The person can be too controlling and selfish. He may be a bully or sexually unsatisfied. He can incapacitate her with his “motherly love”. He adores her but also isolates her. Such a person is called a “pumpkin eater”. He is blind to her potential and refuses to recognize her as a capable and competent person.

• A woman may be nervous all the time, complain or crave full attention. She feels that her husband does not understand her needs and is critical of her cooking and household duties. He shows no appreciation for all the work she has done.

• Disputes about raising children. There may be differences in the implementation of discipline.

• mothers-in-law who are critical and demanding.

• Displaced anger. For example, the boss is angry with his secretary. She takes it out to her subordinate. He takes out his frustration on his wife. The wife insults her child and the child abuses her dog by kicking it. It’s called displaced anger syndrome.

Different expressions of anger.

1. Silence: There is anger in the mind, but without any overt expression. Unresolved problems become cumulative and manifest as physical or psychological illness. A woman who finds it unpleasant to express anger cries, rages, feigns illness, burns food, or becomes depressed. Sometimes anger is sublimated through physical exercise or creative outlets such as painting or music.

2. Confrontation: Trading angry words or insults that may be regretted later. But by then, the damage is done. 10% of angry men become violent.

3. Confession of being angry and the reasons for being angry. Letting your partner know the cause of the anger and discussing how to fix this situation is half the battle. Anger can be used creatively to solve problems and bring about reconciliation.

How to manage anger in a marital relationship.

• Introspection: Acknowledge and discover the cause of your anger. Does your temper flare at the slightest provocation? Have you misinterpreted your spouse’s entertainment as criticism? Is your anger justified? “The first and best victory is to conquer yourself,” says Plato.

• Communication: Express the reasons for your anger. Be specific and focus only on the event that made you angry. Do not rehash old incidents. Don’t underestimate the problem, but listen patiently to what the other person has to say. Don’t give in to self-pity. Communication should not be blamed. As Robert Schuller says, “Don’t fix the fault. Fix the problem.”

• Respect: accept the other person’s point of view. “Respect is the recognition of the difference of the other person in the way he or she is unique. Respect is an act of love by which married couples honor what is unique and best in each other,” says Anne Gottlieb.

• Commitment in marriage and to each other. “Most spouses do not act out of malice towards each other. They take care of their own immediate needs,” says Michalina Craddock. Resist the impulse to talk about separation and divorce. Instead, attack the problem and seek a settlement. Partners in healthy marriages are kind and respectful to each other, even when situations are difficult. Couples who know how to fight constructively will survive marital conflicts. Psychiatrist Frank Pittman says, “There is no way to win against your spouse. You both win or you both lose.” Therefore, it is important to stay united and fight the common enemy – Anger.

• Humility: Love does not insist on its own way and winning all the time. If you are at fault, never hesitate to say you are sorry. Avoid finger pointing. Marriage can provide you with a convenient scapegoat. But it’s better to swallow your pride and admit you’re wrong. Some people use colored stress cards to measure their anger levels. These are cards that have been chemically treated to be sensitive to heat and humidity and measure a person’s stress level. The thumb is placed on the card for ten seconds. If the color is green or blue, anger is in the moderate zone. If yellow, the person is angry but still in control. Red represents irrational anger and black is uncontrollable anger.

• Tolerance: consider each other’s weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. Be flexible in your emotional roles. Learn to enjoy life with your spouse. Discuss what is open to compromise. Neither partner will be able to satisfy all of the other’s needs and desires. No marriage is perfect.

• Love: A successful marriage is about falling in love with your spouse over and over again. It should be a daily exercise. Love is a choice. Loving actions are always followed by loving feelings. Marriage means lifelong commitment to the person you are married to.

Judith S. Wallenstein, in her book, A Good Marriage—How and Why Love Lasts, says, “The sense of belonging as a couple is what strengthens today’s marriage. It is the strongest bulwark against the relentless threat of our divorce culture. Becoming partner-centered means continuous adapting to each other.”

The biblical admonition, “Let the sun set on your anger. Do not give the devil a foothold,” is arguably the best advice for anger management. Set sunset as your deadline to stop fighting and love again.

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