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Self Confidence – The Key to Happiness
Self-confidence is an invaluable ingredient for a happy and successful life. It begins to develop at birth and is exacerbated or diminished depending on how we are raised, the different types of experiences we encounter, and how others relate to us. Confidence defines our personality.
The resources we need to build self-confidence are in our minds and are therefore always available if we look within. American thinker William James believed that people can change their lives by changing their attitude of mind.
Divya, a fifteen-year-old girl, lives in a remote village in India. She is the daughter of small wings who died prematurely, leaving a family of five with no means of livelihood. Divya decided to learn her father’s profession, even though she had never climbed a tree before and no one had ever heard of a female toy wing. It was exclusively men’s work, and in her traditional society she encountered stiff resistance from men and ridicule from women. Her family was worried about the risks to her life. But Divya, with only a week’s practice and with great confidence, continues her father’s work. Her work starts at dawn and is stressful. But it only lasts for a few hours every morning. She earns enough to support her family and continue her studies. As Norman Vincent Peale often said, “You can if you think you can.”
Obstacles to self-confidence.
o Inferiority complex: people are emotionally crippled by the lack of a sense of worth. It can start in childhood, even in the home environment due to criticism from parents or rude comments from siblings.
Children may be critical of their physical appearance or intelligence at school.
Neighbors can be reckless with children. Being rude and condescending to a child can make him feel worthless.
With the rise of feminism, motherhood was seen as a form of servitude. The stay-at-home mother feels inferior to her economically independent counterparts. Print and audiovisual media glorify images of brainy superwomen in the corporate world or sexy models and movie stars who are the eyes of all eyes. Physical attractiveness is at a high level. Advertisements promoting beauty creams, hair dyes, anti-aging salves, perfumes, designer clothes, create an inferiority complex and a poor self-image for those who cannot afford such luxuries.
o Feeling of inadequacy: Many people who have retired from their jobs and active lifestyles feel worthless because they have nothing to do. Self-pity sets in and confidence plummets.
o Sexual inadequacy: Fear of being physically and sexually inadequate, fear of being unattractive, or even fear of pregnancy can lower self-esteem.
o Environment: When someone is not treated with respect and dignity at home or at work, a person can sink into self-pity and feel that the world does not matter to them. Caste, color, money, power are prejudices that can undermine the self-esteem of victims.
o Fear: Autocratic parents, abusive spouses, careless colleagues, angry wives, disrespectful children are some of the situations that make people afraid or insecure. They develop a bad distorted self-image that robs them of self-confidence.
o Worry: “A mind that is worried about the future is miserable,” says Seneca. It affects a person’s mental ability to think clearly or solve simple problems. Worry is a mouse that destroys self-confidence.
Ways to increase self-confidence.
1. Introspection: Are you reaching your full potential? If not, what roadblocks do you face? Roadblocks are a challenge. They are not insurmountable. It is wise to make a list and go through them one by one. The more you can handle each of them, the more confident you become. So refuse to quit.
William Wilberforce was plagued by illness for most of his life. He was an opium addict for 20 years. But he never lacked confidence. He was an able parliamentarian and worked for the abolition of slavery in Britain. His impressive memorial in Westminster Abbey describes him as “Attorney-General for vulnerable families and friendless”.
2. Love yourself in a healthy way. Be happy with who you are. Recognize and build on the strength and potential God has given you.
o Know yourself. What are your strengths and what are your limitations? Work on the last one.
o Believe in yourself. “Self-confidence is the first secret of success,” says Ralph Waldo Emerson. Try to change what you don’t like about yourself.
o Set high standards to be achieved based on honesty and integrity. Don’t waste your time trying to meet the standards others have set for you. Be careful not to conform to the values of a commercialized, eroticized, immoral society. Don’t be like the 300 giant whales who chose to follow a school of sardines and got trapped in the bay. Chart your course, visualize victory and live to achieve your goal.
3. Have a positive mindset. Plan your movements according to who you want to be. Be motivated to achieve this goal.
According to Jean Charbonneau, “Positive expectations are a mindset – eagerly anticipating success and doing what is necessary to make it happen.” One is reminded of John Keats, the sickly young English poet who, despite his failing health, was confident enough to say: “I think I shall be England’s greatest poet when I die.”
4. Self-discipline: “The first and best victory is to conquer yourself,” says Plato.
Avoid negative thoughts. Set high standards for yourself and focus on achieving them. Settle on enduring values and maintain integrity in whatever you do. Positive self-suggestion will increase confidence. The mantra “I am a confident person. I believe in myself” should be repeated several times a day until you are sure that you are a confident person.
The humble spider has a lot to teach about self-confidence. It has a built-in survival mechanism. If it is wounded, it releases a protein-filled silk thread, which it slides down and creates another web in a new location. When it’s time to lay eggs, it creates a protective silk pouch to hold the eggs. An enemy that gets too close gets stuck to the bag’s sticky exterior. Then the spider weaves more threads around the enemy and eats it.
A confident person will live to their highest potential. He will strengthen his weaknesses and benefit from his strengths. “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but also the cause of fear,” says Norman Vincent Peale. We must remember that we are precious in God’s eyes, and He is filled with power and potential to live safely.
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