Eva Is A Five Year Old Girl Who Has Been Midlife Crisis In Men

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Midlife Crisis In Men

The closing decades of the twentieth century have seen the glorification and worship of Youth Culture. The ubiquitous yuppies have taken the world by storm. They are knowledgeable, incredibly dynamic, amazingly intelligent, strong and ambitious. This, along with the sexual revolution, the obsession with male and female beauty, various shades of feminism, and the instant dissemination of information, has caused a “cultural earthquake” that has left a wide swath of middle-aged people feeling insecure. Midlife crisis was recognized as a male disease since the 20th century.

In his book “Modern Man in Search of His Soul”, Carl Jung compares the stages of life to the movement of the sun in the sky from east to west. He defines the middle stage of life between the ages of 35 and 50 and calls it the noon of his existence. It can be an exciting time of life with great opportunities if people are not afraid of the aging process. It is to be welcomed as a time of discovery rather than stagnation or decay. It calls for a change in lifestyle, character and belief. Immature responses give way to intelligent decisions. The transition period lasts as long as it takes to reorientate life and adjust values. It can be anything from three to five years.

Being aware of the changes that might occur in men and women requires being psychologically prepared and recognizing the symptoms when they appear so that you can avoid an anxious crisis.

“People who prepare for a fire are more likely to survive than those who don’t,” said a wise man. And the British psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques assures us that creative people like Goethe, Beethoven, Voltaire and Ibsen all experienced midlife crises.

But for those who are not ready, middle age can catch them unawares. On a fine day, on a brisk morning walk, a man may discover that he has been overtaken by other young men and he simply cannot catch up; Or his mirror may reveal graying temples or receding hairline; Or when the kids on the street insist on calling him “Uncle,” the sudden realization that the big “C” is present. A man who has prided himself on his “macho” image reacts like a man facing imminent death. He goes through various stages of denial, anger, depression and finds ways and means to delay the aging process. Sudden heart attacks caused by extreme anxiety are known to increase in the early forties.

A decrease in hormonal levels and a decrease in sexual vigor creates a certain desperation, which makes him behave inappropriately. He may become overly reserved when it comes to dressing, wearing fancy clothes, investing in a flashy car, or even indulging in teenage activities like disco jumping. This is the time when he may fall headlong into an extramarital affair with a girl young enough to be his daughter because her admiration and need for him boosts his self-esteem. It’s the classic “Sugar-Daddy” syndrome, where he feels young again in the eyes of nubile girls. He becomes immune to the taunts of those around him. He perceives his married life as boring and dull. Almost 25% of divorces occur during this critical period. Spouses are hurt and families torn apart by this blatant breach of sexual trust. By the time the romance dies down, he realizes that his marriage is irretrievably broken and he has nowhere else to look for solace. As such, he may bounce from one antics to another or turn to drink or drugs to soothe his frazzled spirit.

Bergler calls this “the emotional second adolescence.” Sometimes a middle-aged man can be sexually aware of his teenage daughter. Then he is plagued by self-hatred, regret, shame and guilt.

For those who stay married, satisfaction may be low. They can become restless and irritable and spoil the peaceful atmosphere at home by choosing their poor wives through no fault of their own.

This is also the stage when a man feels caught between two generations, each one imposing responsibility on him. On the one hand, growing children who want to assert their independence and have difficulty communicating with their parents, and on the other, dependent elderly relatives who crave constant attention.

It is possible that professional life at work has stalled, with no prospects for further promotions; Or he may be burdened with so much responsibility that he does not have time for his family and personal life; Or the competition from younger knowledgeable and creative colleagues may be so fierce that he is kept in constant tension.

And finally he faces his own mortality. Arthritis, bifocals, diabetes, hypertension and other diseases make life uncomfortable.

A number of stressors thus converge on a man in midlife, so it is estimated that almost 75-80% of men between the ages of 35 and 50 this century suffer from midlife problems.

Transitions can be positive if properly planned. According to Freud, man has two basic needs – work and love, and Dr. Joyce brothers say that work takes priority over Love.

This is the time when a man should review and revise the goals he has set for himself. If he has been a workaholic, he needs to slow down and spend quality time with his wife and kids. Sometimes, to his dismay, he may conclude that it is already too late to build a meaningful relationship with his children. They may no longer be on the same wavelength. They may even be suspicious of his sudden interest in them.

If there is a desire to change jobs, it should be well planned and discussed with his family, as he will need their moral support. Many people in midlife feel an inner compulsion to leave the security of a stable job for something they’ve always wanted to do but haven’t dared. Many writers and artists feel this need. Doctors have given up lucrative jobs to use the pen instead. At the age of 35, Gauguin left a secure job in a bank to pursue painting. He became an excellent impressionist painter.

Another great way to insure midlife against a stormy crisis is to have a strong marital partnership. Modern culture has devalued the institution of marriage and sexual fidelity. However, most of society’s ills can be traced back to unhappy and unstable home situations.

“Good marriages are not born in a wedding ceremony. They are formed over years, through long hours of doubt and despair, adjustments and compromises,” says a psychologist. It peaks in midlife when the stress of one or both partners affects each other. The strength of a marriage lies in the ability to understand your partner’s negativity and deal with it patiently. The wife will not only understand the husband’s problem, but will also listen to him, encourage him to talk about his hopes and aspirations, and evaluate and, if necessary, redefine his values. A man who feels secure in his marriage will not hesitate to communicate his needs and fears to his spouse. Similarly, a husband will be a tower of strength to his wife who may be going through a midlife crisis.

Men are overwhelmed by various fears in the middle of life. Fear of impotence and failure

erection causes anxiety, moodiness and sometimes silent withdrawal from sex. Aging can reduce the frequency of his sexual needs. He begins to fear that his wife may be interested in other men. The media believes that today’s women are insatiable and this in turn holds her back. Having an extramarital affair to save his self-image is a sign of a dysfunctional marriage. A good wife will not be complacent. She will understand the turmoil in her husband and will quickly calm him down with her support and cooperation. It’s not sex that drives a man away, but lack of intimacy. If an affair develops during this critical period, it does not mean that the marriage must end. Partners who deeply love each other are ready to forgive, especially if the offending partner is remorseful and ashamed of what happened. Discovering the affair will take away the charm and excitement of it and act as a deterrent in the future. It is more important to find out the cause of mistrust and eliminate it.

Sexual life does not stop in the middle of life. On the contrary, it improves because of the new freedom from inhibitions. Couples are able to discuss intimate aspects of their relationship without embarrassment. Only the tempo and pattern can change. A young man climaxes within minutes, leaving many wives unsatisfied and sexually unfulfilled. But in middle age, when arousal is slow and the erectile response weakens, a woman will have plenty of opportunities to climax with her husband, as more time is devoted to foreplay and tenderness. A verbal expression of feelings for each other, a hug or a touch can be more physically satisfying than the act itself. “Sexual revolution” is possible even at this age. Couples who value their sexual activity discover new aspects of each other and can choose sex practices to experiment with. A sense of humor and freedom of exploration can keep a couple sexually active well into old age. Comedian Woody Allen, the aging Casanova, says that of the 56 sex positions, only eight can be achieved without laughing.

There are also slight changes in certain roles in middle age. A person becomes softer as they grow older. Having reached the pinnacle of his career, he now craves intimacy with his wife and family. He expects his wife to behave like a friend, loving and attentive. However, a wife who has spent her best years taking care of the family, sacrificing her own needs, is now becoming confident and assertive and wants her own room to grow. She can even look for career opportunities outside her home. While she becomes more assertive, her husband becomes less domineering. While her latent masculine traits emerge, feminine aspects such as sensitivity and tenderness come to the fore in her husband. Thus, a new balance of roles is achieved in every aspect of their lives. Values ​​and beliefs change. They are interested in new friends and new pleasures.

Middle age can be a very special time. It opens our eyes to areas of our lives that are not satisfactorily lived and gives us the opportunity to reorient our personality. If we have an understanding partner who is not only our best friend, but also deeply committed to our marriage, then middle age is nothing to fear.

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