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What Not to Do on a First Date!
I once went on my first (and last) date with a guy who broke the ice by telling me that he had been married three times, suffered and taken advantage of everything, and was still living with his ex! There was more, something about a scheme to ensure he got all the marital property, but I just didn’t listen. All I could think was, “Why are you telling me that?!”
Dating “don’ts” are things you should never do or say on a date. When the other person exhibits these “don’ts”, the love soundtrack in your head goes zzzzz and the line on your heart monitor goes flat!
Most of us know what you should never say on a first date. Words like “still in love with my ex” come to mind. But what about more delicate topics that are better off touching with a yardstick? Here are some “don’ts” so deadly they’re guaranteed to avoid date number two.
1. Your romantic past
Never ever bring up your ex-flame! I remember going on a date once and while we were driving to a restaurant he turned on the music…singing loudly to it while he had tears in his eyes. After about 2 minutes I realized that all the songs were romantic ballads and the lyrics were just some man crying out for his lost love!!!
Instead I suggested a quick drink, downed 2 gin and tonics and made the quickest exit I had ever made before.
The moral of the story is…we don’t want to hear about what went wrong in your previous relationship (at least not on the first date), how your ex was the sexiest, most loyal, or most loving woman ever, what her favorite drink is. was or how she was always punctual for the date!
If it’s a blind date, DO NOT compare yourself to someone famous
Now we all know it never works out the way we want it to. Of course, most of us have a famous person we compare ourselves to. Iman usually dates Jackie Brown with me. I can live with that. But in terms of personality, I’m Monica from Friends, Eva from Desperate Housewives and Samantha from Sex and the City – all in one! Those comparisons are obviously wrong…Ha! My point? Most people look like a slightly distorted version of these famous stars. I’ve never met anyone who actually looked like the fabulous celebrity they said they looked like. So proceed with caution. Unless of course you’re gorgeous, then you can say that famous people look like you…
2. DO NOT OVERVIEW other people!
Oh, there’s nothing more of a turn off than going out on a date with someone and noticing that they’re checking out a girl with cleavage right in front of your face, or noticing that she’s checking out a man with the cutest, tightest butt. ever seen! It might not happen often and it’s usually another sign of insecurity, but when it does, I usually try to make a nice comment, maybe something like “you know, if you hurry, you can make that girl hold a bucket to her neck. it builds up, while we’re talking. Go ahead, I’ll wait…” Please, please, don’t ever look for someone else when you’re on a date, because that really is an instant turn-off, unless of course you want to do exactly that!
3. Don’t ask them what they think of you
For gods sake! May you have confidence! Read the signals. You will find out if you repel them or attract them. I once had a date with a man I had been talking to on the phone for some time. I really liked the person on the phone. About 5 minutes into our first in-person date, he asked me if I was disappointed. At that point I turned to him, put my hand behind his head, pulled him close enough for a kiss and purred in his ear “Don’t ask me that again!”. If he had any inkling or conviction, he would have read this very clear sign and had a chance at a second date. However, he asked me the same question about half a dozen more times during the rest of the evening. This extreme lack of confidence made him much less attractive to me. So he stayed in the friend category (you know, the one that men hate when there’s no opportunity for sex). So men and women, don’t forget, one of the most attractive qualities is confidence without arrogance.
4. DO NOT have sex on the first date!
If he/she asks you back for coffee, he/she wants to have sex (or something close). If she really wants one last glass of pink bubbly, she should suggest a late night bar. Also, if he offers Chinese takeaway, when you have to pass three Mr. Lee’s to get there, he wants to ecstasy with his sweet and sour pork balls!
You know, the older I get, the more traditional I get. Yes, I know, it’s a sign of age (just a little!) but I’ve made some mistakes and this one I just have to put aside. The thing is, I think this rule bothers men a lot more than women. Guys, if we really like you and we see promise, we’ll want to sleep with you sometime. That doesn’t mean we’ve had sex with the entire England football team! The fact that men find it uncomfortable to sleep with a potential lady on the very first date, I do not doubt, it is. It’s always better to enjoy the anticipation!
Camelia Fredericks, Image Consultant and Dating Coach is available at http://www.thedivineimage.co.uk
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