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Understanding and Dealing With Teenage Angst
By far, adolescence is the most difficult period in an individual’s life. Most of us wish we could erase those awkward years; antisocial and sometimes charming behavior; for the pain and confusion caused to our parents.
The transition period, when neither a child nor an adult, can be scary for a teenager and his closest people. At night, parents, teachers, and those in authority are viewed as enemies. Conversations become monosyllabic. A closed door eloquently demands privacy. Weird dressing becomes fashionable. The parents are confused about this stranger in their midst.
It is comforting, however, that adolescent behavior is only a passing phase, a turning point on the road to maturity. A better understanding of what this entails will save parents a lot of heartache. It should not be confused with juvenile delinquency, which is criminal or antisocial activity by young people who may suffer from some personality disorder or grow up in a pathological family environment.
Teenagers demand some freedom, yet want the security of a home. They want to be treated as adults, even though they have not yet developed skills in basic human relationships, and often resent themselves and those who expose their naivety. “No one listens to me and no one cares” is a feeling that plays on their minds and makes them reluctant. Sometimes they seek safety in peer groups and identify with participants in clothing and behavior.
Why do teenagers behave the way they do?
o Body change, sudden growth spurt, gender change make them feel that they are completely out of control. Daniel WA says, “A teenager is like a house on moving day.” Obesity or acne can add to their suffering. They imagine that they are being persecuted.
o Adolescent brains are still in the process of development. Through extensive brain research, scientists have come to the conclusion that brain development between the ages of 10 and 25 is crucial. Here again there is no smooth development and different parts develop at different times. Although the brain is the same as an adult by the age of seven, the gray matter that controls executive functions develops slowly during adolescence. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for coordinating the functions of judgment, reasoning, emotion, and behavior, is the last to mature. As a result, it is difficult for teenagers to make the right choice. They act rashly without thinking about the consequences. They jump to the wrong conclusions and take offense at harmless comments made by parents or other adults. In short, they are unable to overcome their emotions.
o Another disruptive behavior is changing sleep patterns in teenagers. They like to sleep late into the morning and don’t want to get out of bed. Parents understand this as a form of rebellion and call them lazy and uncooperative. Changing sleep patterns is important because growth and puberty hormones are released into the bloodstream during sleep. To facilitate this process, the circadian rhythm of the brain is changed. That’s why teenagers get up late. They come alive until the evening and are awake when others want to sleep. They think nothing of cranking up their music systems at night or sitting at their computers until dawn. Parents who are aware of these changes will encourage their teens to slow down their activities until the evening, avoid stimulants like caffeine, and limit internet use at night.
There is a ring-shaped area in the brain called the limbic area that produces the primary emotions of fear, anger, and rage. The prefrontal area is what controls emotions. But since it is not fully formed during adolescence, the limbic area asserts itself. That is why teenagers behave impulsively. Sex hormones acting on the limbic area increase aggressiveness and irritability. Serotonin secretion decreases.
As psychologist David Elkin says: “Teenagers believe their personal fable – nothing will happen to me. It only happens to others.”
Parents and teachers will be more tolerant of antisocial or rude behavior if they are aware of these physiological changes.
Ways Teens Show Their Independence:
1. They develop unhealthy habits, such as smoking, drinking or experimenting with drugs, because they are unable to make sound judgments or fail to appreciate the harm these habits can cause. Instant gratification is most important. Peer pressure encourages them.
2. They are more prone to accidents because they indulge in drunk driving, speeding, drag racing and distraction on the roads. Rates of death, suicide, murder are higher among teenagers.
3. Anxiety, eating disorders, schizophrenia, and substance abuse may develop during adolescence. The sooner treatment is started, the better the chance of recovery.
4. Girls like to act like boys. Or they may suddenly become aware of their sexual power. They’re looking for beauty aids and quirky fashions. Or they may develop anorexia nervosa with the idea of keeping their body like a willow.
5. Because sex hormones are too active, they fall into love traps. Rape, eve teasing, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases can get them into serious trouble. The boyish trait can lead to controlling behavior or even violence towards girlfriends. Free mixing with the opposite sex, contact with uncensored mass media, lack of sex education or even a permissive family atmosphere will make them experiment. In the West, 40% of girls between the ages of 13 and 15 are not virgins, 15-20% are addicted to pornography, and teenage pregnancies are increasing like never before.
6. Teens have a low level of frustration. They are governed by the pleasure principle and seek immediate gratification.
7. Many teens find safety in groups. They would rather be with friends than at home. Experimentation with alcohol, drugs or sexual activities becomes exciting. Skipping school or running away from home are some of the ways they show their independence.
8. Sometimes they want to maintain a lifestyle they cannot afford. So they start stealing or harassing their parents for money.
How to deal with teenage anxiety:
– Parents need to understand that rebellion is not personal and that despite their rude behavior, teenagers love their parents and want safety at home.
– It is important to understand why teenagers behave the way they do. This is only a temporary phase which may be 2-3 years until they reach adulthood.
– Parents should give their children unconditional love and discipline. Discipline must be consistent. Boundaries give children a sense of security. Discipline helps them become self-reliant and mature.
– Parents should set an example. They must always present a united front in front of their children. Parental authority in the home should be unquestionable. The new age formula of treating children as equals is dangerous. There cannot be equality between parents and children. This will only have negative consequences. Children begin to think that everything is negotiable. Parents should insist on good behavior. They need to educate their teenagers about violence in society and teach them about sexual conformity and the dangers of unprotected sex.
– There should be openness in discussing serious issues such as good behavior and abuse of freedom. The subject should be presented tactfully so that the teenager feels confident in discussing his problems, knowing that his parents have his best interests at heart.
– The door of communication must always be open. Listening to the teenager and his problems is the most important part of communication. Some parents try to impose their unfulfilled dreams on their children and force them to do things they don’t want to do. This causes them to rebel.
– Recently, many parents have started spying on their children and feel completely justified. They may search their rooms or scan their diaries or even stealthily follow them around to see if they are addicted to drugs, alcohol or misbehaving with the opposite sex. Some parents even hire private investigators. There is a chance that this can backfire, permanently damaging the parent-child relationship. John Stott believes that “loving but firm confrontation is a better approach than spying.”
– Socializing with peer groups can be healthy and harmless. Teens need to share information and experiences and know that there are others going through similar changes. However, parents should keep an eye on the type of friends and activities they are involved in so that they do not abuse their freedom.
Adolescence is a difficult period in a person’s life. Due to various changes – physical, emotional, sexual – the fear of the unknown increases. Teenagers need our encouragement and empathy.
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