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Speaking the Love Languages in Single-Parent Families
Being a single parent comes with a series of challenges that can be interpreted from the child’s eyes and mind as a lack or loss of love. For example, a woman who gives birth to a child after being raped by a stranger. Not only does she not know her abuser, but she also feels a surge of hatred towards him. If she is a Christian, she wants very much not to put the blame on this lovely gift, but during her pregnancy, when the “uninvited” seed was growing, and now that she has to raise the child, she sees nothing but pain and anger, especially. when she looks into the eyes of this child who may be a carbon copy of her father, the abuser.
Another example would be a woman who discovers she is pregnant after a divorce. Although all ties have been severed from her ex-husband, she must now carry the seed he planted in her to adulthood and raise the child alone. To get any benefit, she has to go through the legal system and deal with a challenge from her ex-husband insisting on a paternity test, after which, if approved, she must, with the help of a lawyer, demand, fight for everything she can get. to support this child, she would rather not be. If the paternity test is negative, she will have to endure the shame as her secrets become public knowledge in the search for the child’s real father. I am voluntarily participating in an abuse program; During one of my visits with my foster mom, she quoted my biological mom as saying, “I never thought my life would end up like this with two kids and no husband at this young age.”
At the age of 22, she had lost the father of her first child and had to live with the rejection of the father of her second child. Despite her pain, financial inability and lack of educational qualifications, she must fight the government to regain custody of her children. How well can such a woman speak the languages of love without passing on her hatred of those responsible for her situation to her children?
Another example would be a dad whose wife was responsible for everything – raising the kids, running the house, grocery shopping, food, laundry, etc. money far away from home without fear of his family falling apart. However, one day he received a call that his wife and their second child had an accident and they did not survive. First he feels guilty that this happened because he wasn’t there, he feels very lost because his family of 4 is suddenly reduced to 2; to make matters worse, he has to plan a funeral instead of his first child’s fifth birthday, which he was looking forward to, so he can actually tell her that even though daddy works out of town, he loves her so much. To find the remaining child, he had to move back to the city, even though it meant getting a lower-paying job, enrolling in a parenting class, and hiring a nanny to help him pick him up from school and keep him occupied until he returned. from work. Three months later, he is grateful to God and his church family for helping him deal with the great loss, but now he has to deal with friends and family who seem to have closed that chapter in his life when they start talking about him. take another wife because he needs a companion and help in raising the remaining child.
In all of the above situations, it is very difficult for the parents and of course the child(ren) not to feel fear, anger, anxiety, denial, blame in varying degrees. It would be more difficult for one parent to use the child’s primary love language to help ease the pain. But it can be done if the single parent looks to Jesus, who is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). With diligence, diligence, godly character; the single parent would make it.
Year after year, the single parent has to revise his role in the child’s life, improve his strengths, look for opportunities to give the child a father or mother figure, depending on the case, eliminate threats. that a parent or child may experience as a single parent family and work on his/her weaknesses to turn them into strengths. Not having a job can be a weakness for one family because there is only one source of income, but if such a parent uses food stamps, an open kitchen, available low-income jobs (cleaner, clerk, grocery shopper, etc.), and free community education. centers, he/she can prepare for a better future.
Also, joining a church community will expand the pool from which a child can draw community love (Godly parents, teachers, pastors, etc.), positive leadership influences, and role models. When fulfilling a child’s need for love, a single parent must not mortgage their own need for love, because seeing you love and be loved will help balance the love in the child’s life. If one parent’s child’s primary love language is service, involving the child in a scout group and participating in activities will help fill the parent’s emotional reservoir and increase the pool of resources from which s/he can draw strength, stability, unity, and love.
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