Books 2 Years Old Girls Love And Never Put Down Mostly Intentional Parenting

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Mostly Intentional Parenting

I have a 9 year old son. My son is a joke. Make no mistake, he is all boy. He seemed to sense my desire to raise a gender neutral child at birth and wanted nothing to do with it. As an infant and toddler, I didn’t go so far as to dress him in pink or keep his hair long so people literally wouldn’t know if he was a boy or a girl, but I did encourage him to play with dolls and help encourage so-called “feminine” qualities, such as , compassion and empathy. We talked about feelings. I chose an environmental arts-focused preschool where everyone was very personable and sensitive. The days I had him (his father and I have joint custody and we divorced when my son was 2) I tried to instill as many of my values ​​as possible in him.

However, my son’s personality stubbornly refused to be channeled. He wanted to play sports. Any sport. All sports. And throwing rocks and digging in the dirt and playing with trucks and testing his abilities while stepping on creatures that were smaller than himself. She wasn’t interested in art, baking, music, nursing, anything I liked. So we did it. We followed his lead and interests, and I found other ways to sneak in the creative and warm. And I learned to play sports. I swear I’ve thrown, hit, and hit more balls in the past few years than I had in the previous 30 years combined. Along the way, I connected with other like-minded parents and learned that they, too, were surprised that their child, who they were sure would grow up, would follow in their footsteps and become a hipster or a skater or a reverse parking lot. -lot pot smoker, listens to Z100 instead, plays soccer and will only wear Nike.

Of course, as I said, my son was not only his own, but the product of two separate households. My son’s father is traditional in his views on gender roles and work and family values, and has become much more so with age. I, on the other hand, have drifted further and further to the left. I have often felt that if someone were to observe my son, he would be the perfect subject for a constructed social experiment. When you decide to become a parent, you probably don’t expect it to be a part-time gig. And you probably don’t think that maybe someone else who you don’t live with and don’t love anymore will have the same rights, influence and time with your child. But they do. And it turns out that these different life experiences aren’t necessarily all that bad for them, as long as both parents/households are loving and safe. The amazing thing is that he adapts really well to his different environments. It’s harder for me to accept the fact that my only child and the person I love more than anything and who I want (pretty much) EXACTLY the same beliefs as me is now going to a Christian church on Sundays when I’m definitely not a Christian.

I believe that parenting is mostly intentional because I have a passionate desire to raise a compassionate, knowledgeable, socially responsible, confident, successful and smart person who thinks for himself and ideally eats only organic free range food from sustainable farms. But sometimes I’m so tired that the best I can do is go through and send him to school in velcro shoes that don’t require the time and effort of tying. I know that sometimes there are contradictions in what I believe and how I behave. But I also know that there isn’t always one linear process path to product and that a big part of parenting is being flexible and adaptable when you’re not a prefect.

My son has taught me more than anyone, and that’s saying a lot because I have some pretty rock star parents. Of course, there’s also the whole “never thought you could love someone so much” part. The absolute satisfaction of telling your child you love them and how proud you are, holding their hand and brushing the hair out of their eyes without doing, needing or expecting anything in return. The realization that someone else is actually more important to you than you. But having a baby also connects you to your own child and past in a way that just isn’t possible. Memories of my childhood are regularly brought up from the depths of my subconscious by something my son says or experiences or we experience together, this time with me as a parent, and it’s crazy intense and almost magical. Thus, being a parent ties life together, the past with the present, giving it context, making it all meaningful, and immeasurably reinforcing love and patience.

So I guess it doesn’t matter much if my son turns out to be anything like me. I suspect he will because it’s pretty hard not to be like your parents. He even just started playing a musical instrument. Drums. The only tool that is completely unsuitable for living in an apartment. But since I still blame my parents for not encouraging (or forcing me… I heard I was somewhat loathed) to learn an instrument as a kid, we bought a drum kit. And cut large foam pads to place over each drum to muffle the noise. And he still climbs into bed with me at night as often as possible and sleeps next to me until he gets too hot and pulls away in his sleep, making sure at least one part of his body is still touching one part of his body. mine.

My son is a joke. But he’s a semi-sensitive joke. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

To learn more, go to: http://innerworkings.posterous.com/

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